Says magic isn't real...then engages in magical thinking.

Without Narcissistic Supply – the narcissist crumbles, like the zombies or the vampires one sees in horror movies. It is terrifying and the narcissist will do anything to avoid it. Think about the narcissist as a drug addict. His withdrawal symptoms are identical: delusions, physiological effects, irritability, emotional lability.

Narcissists often experience brief, de-compensatory psychotic episodes when their psyche is disassembled – either deliberately in therapy or following a life-crisis accompanied by a major narcissistic injury.

These psychotic episodes may be closely allied to another feature of narcissism: magical thinking. Narcissists are like children in this sense. Many, for instance, fully believe in two things: that whatever happens – they will prevail and that good things will always happen to them. It is more than a belief, really. Narcissists just KNOW it, the same way one knows gravity – directly, immediately and surely.

The narcissist believes that, no matter what he does, he will always be forgiven, always prevail and triumph, always come on top. The narcissist is, therefore, fearless in a manner perceived by others to be both admirable and insane. He attributes to himself divine and cosmic immunity – he cloaks myself in it, it renders him invisible to his enemies and to the powers of "evil". It is a childish phantasmagoria – but to the narcissist it is very real.

False Allegations

Woman Admits to False Allegations

Intentions like death.

Psychopaths shame & humiliate their targets, because this solidifies their dominance in the relationship. If you are thrown into an embarrassing situation, feeling less than human, then you suddenly start to feel inferior to the person who orchestrated it all to begin with. You strive to meet their impossible standards, doing everything you can to prove yourself better than your past "mistakes". You begin to realize that all of the secrets you shared with your once trusted partner are now being judged & used against you. They've discovered what makes you tick, and they use this information to manufacture lose-lose situations and watch you self-destruct. Ideally, there will be an audience of their friends and yours, to finalize the triangulation and crazy-making behavior. You will find that no healthy human being focuses so aggressively on your negative aspects. Once this toxic person is removed from your life, there will be so many others who love & appreciate the qualities that your abuser intentionally ignored.

Disgusting Parent In Disguise.

Gaslight for Brains

Apology? Screw you! Says the Narc.

If you're waiting for an apology from the narcissist, PLEASE, just let that go now - You'll NEVER get one that means anything. Even if they say the words...they don't MEAN it.

Here's why Narcissists are incapable of ever genuinely apologizing:

1. They don't accept responsibility - it's ALWAYS someone else's fault

2. Power & Control prevents them from truly being vulnerable enough to apologize

3. Their disordered personality construct is designed NOT to tolerate shame / vulnerability. Culpability, personal self blame is required in order to feel both guilty and genuinely sorry.

4. They don't have boundaries. They don't recognize that you are a separate person. If they don't feel the hurt that they caused you, then they think YOU couldn't possibly feel it either; thus preventing them from empathizing enough to offer an apology.

5. Seared Conscience - Narcissists are incapable of answering to a Higher Power, when they believe they're their own higher power (don't listen to them tell you they're a christian - that's just another "image" they pretend to have); thus, they don't have a conscience to appeal to. With NOTHING or NO ONE to convict them of wrongdoing...they're "scott-free".

Such a Perfect Mom

Because they are SO RESPONSIBLE

Why Narcissistic Parents Overly Connect to Their Children

Narcissistic parents want their child’s performance to reflect on them. The reasons for this are complex. Parents may be trying to compensate for what they believe are their own shortcomings. They may rely on their child’s success to bolster themselves up. In doing so, they are failing to see their child as a unique and autonomous individual. They refuse to recognize that their child is separate from them, with their own thoughts, feelings, and desires.

A narcissistic parent tends to focus on or almost “feed” on their child’s accomplishments. They often do this, because something is lacking within them. They may try to use their child to fill an emptiness they feel within themselves. Parents with full lives, in which they have many interests, close relationships, and passions, often offer more to their children than those who give up everything to be with their kids. Though they do this in the name of love, they don’t realize that their conception of love is actually skewed.

People often confuse love with emotional hunger. Parents who think they are giving their children love by showering them with constant attention are failing to see how much they are pulling on or draining the child. When a person feels a “need” or “longing” for their child, it can be a red flag that they are taking more than they are giving in the relationship. If a parent feels their child is “filling up” a part of them, for example, that they are their sole source of joy, it can be a further warning that they are experiencing emotional hunger toward their child. Love is an offering of encouragement, support, and affection. Emotional hunger provides just the opposite.

Actions are screaming.

An alienated dad once said to me "They might hate me for a few years, but when they figure it out, they'll hate her for the rest of their lives." And that's the gamble the alienators take... that it will work out exactly like that. The fact that they don't care is so very telling...

Holy YEAH THAT SOUNDS FAMILIAR. AND HILARIOUS.

Narcissists, and other Controllers, tend to fancy themselves as the ADULTS, the GROWN UPS, the Ones In Charge, The Ones In The Know, The Ones Who Are Endowed With Natural Authority. It's just from their childhood fantasy of being accepted as one of the adults~ most children have this fantasy, but those who are fixated on dominating others and being accepted by adults tend to get stuck in this developmental stage and stay there, believing that they have some kind of innate, natural authority over other human beings, by virtue of something, anything, that they see as being a "badge" of authority (which they perceived in their youth). (Anything can be perceived as a "badge", such as height, ancestry, sex, looks, weight, job, skill, intellect, experience, material wealth, vocation, even vocal pitch and tone, or clothing. They might even use the slightest age difference as a "badge", or the kind of car they drive, or even the pets they have.)

The narcissistic parent

In my study of mental child abuse as well as my own observations regarding my ex, I’ve noticed how prevalent it is that the child abuser is highly narcissistic.

What’s a narcissistic parent? 

It’s someone who is self-absorbed, authoritarian (watch out for their outbursts), negative, a know-it-all, never culpable or blameworthy for anything, highly critical of others, secretive, cunning and conniving, manipulative, exploitive, stingy, ungrateful, a pathological liar (twists the truth with incredible ease), envious and competitive, deaf to other’s opinions, doesn’t listen (zero empathy), brags and exaggerates, plays favorites (and it’s a rotating favorite list at that), has no boundaries, inept at basic manners, lacks a sense of humor (especially at themselves), and excels at making others feel guilty… He or she is one unhappy person (read this post on Unhappy Parents) who sucks the energy and life out of those around them.

Looking at these traits, how many of them apply to your situation? A narcissistic father or mother will have most of the traits listed.

There’s a simple reason why the more a parent brainwashes his or her own children (or dishes out any other form of abuse), the more narcissistic tendencies they have:

It takes an extremely selfish and sick parent to inflict such harm onto their own child.

Any mature parent can set aside anger or hurt from a divorce and keep their child on neutral ground by refusing to enroll them in the middle of the conflict. But a narcissistic parent will be hell-bent on minimizing or even outright destroying the child’s relationship with the ex and unable to place their child out of the emotional turmoil. They can’t do it. In fact, they will actively bring pain to their own kids. That’s how mentally sick they are.

So how do you counter these parents, and is there hope for changing them? A sobering quote:

“Trying to reform narcissists by reasoning with them or by appealing to their better nature is about as effective as spitting in the ocean.” – Halcyon.com

That has been one of my biggest frustrations with my ex, thinking that reasoning with her and letting her eventually calm down and see for herself that I’m a good Dad would temper her behavior towards our son. But it never happened, and her actions even got worse over time. The sad reality is that you can’t change the narcissist. They don’t have the self-awareness or humility to see that they’re out of control and need help. It’s deeply unfortunate, especially if your ex is the custodial parent and has ample amounts of time to transfer these narcissistic  traits onto your child.

The only recourse for you is to be a normal parent, providing needed contrast for  your child. It’s very important to insist that any behaviors in him or her that mimic your narcissistic ex are stomped out immediately. So if your child is flippant, rude, and lacking manners– and they will on many levels when they’ve been living with a narcissist– don’t tolerate it.

“The narcissist is governed by his or her feelings, the decent person is governed by his or her obligations” – Dennis Prager

Since a narcissistic parent is governed by his or her feelings, they don’t have the ability to own up to their obligations to shield their child from emotional heartache, adult issues, stories of how bad Mommy or Daddy is, etc. They will actively get the children involved in the conflict. It’s inappropriate, it’s evil, and it’s abusive.

These parents are a vortex of negative energy, and will suck the life out of those around them. Children of narcissists suffer, and they come in two camps: those that are aware of this parent’s bizarre, completely irrational behavior “Yeah, there my Mom/Dad goes again…”, or they’re not and are mentally smothered by the parent. Sadly lots of these children end up inheriting the narcissist’s traits, supporting the findings that many children of narcissistic parents become narcissists themselves.

The reality is this. Once the children become adults, the only way for them to not further suffer under the tyranny of a severely narcissistic parent is to move away from them. Creating physical separation, and thus limiting contact, from a parent might seem like a bad solution. But the alternative is to live a life of suffering. Remember, the narcissist doesn’t change. After all, he or she isn’t the wrongdoer or person with flaws… everyone else is.

Source.

Parental Alienation In Action Part II

Parental Alienation In Action

Bow or Pay.

After the breakup & triangulation, psychopaths feel an immense amount of superiority. This is when they’re at their best—glowing with energy as they watch you fall from grace. It’s what they live for. She puts her newest target on display because she wants you to know about him. She’s waiting for your reaction. And if you don’t react, she will invent a reason to talk to you. Often times, psychopaths will use pointless requests as an excuse to get your attention. For example, returning an article of clothing or a DVD; something that any normal person would just forget about.

Once she has your attention, she will adopt a calm, patronizing demeanor. Talking down to you as if she’s somehow the relationship guru because she’s happy and you’re single. The whole conversation will take on a very arrogant, “I’m-in-charge” sort of attitude. After the breakup, she’s obsessed with being the calm & superior person: The winner.

She will minimize everything that happened, warning you not to create any drama. Instead of apologizing for her abusive behavior and now-obvious cheating, she makes sweeping statements explaining that breakups are just difficult. She depersonalizes the experience and speaks down to you as if she pities you. She uses this pseudo-pleasantry to come across as the bigger person. She will wish you all the best, playing it all off casually. She will make it seem as if this was just an everyday breakup.

If you don’t allow her the post-breakup superiority routine, she will become extremely unpleasant. She does not want to talk about her infidelity or lies. She wants you to idolize her in your memory. And remember how she gave you the silent treatment for days at the end of your relationship? Well, she still expects prompt responses from you—otherwise you’re bitter & jealous.

If you feel like punching a wall by this point, you’re in good company.

Source. 

I read these to my husband, and ask if this sounds familiar to him or if it's not an accurate description. I have yet to find an excerpt that isn't fitting for this sick woman. Not to mention, I remember this time period in his life. So does his family. So did his other best girlfriend at the time. 

It boggles the mind how some people can be so grotesque and have no clue. They think they can hide endlessly, get away with this sick shit if they can treat enough of their lemmings good enough to keep them convinced that they aren't the crazy ones. You can, for a time, psychopath - but the unfortunate thing about how much vile karma you put out is that it's a guarantee that this will come back to haunt you multiplied several times over. Sleep well, and hold your kiddies tight - because one day, they are going to get the full picture, and so is everyone else you have fooled. That must be an awful way to live - no wonder you work so hard to perfect your mask...you need to have it so good that you even fool yourself or you'd walk around knowing the impending doom that will come to you one day, and Lord have mercy!

Actions of an Alienating Parent

• Doesn’t inform you of upcoming school activities (especially unexpected ones)
• Expresses no enthusiasm for fun events you’re doing with the child (vacations, amusement parks, etc)
• Limits child’s cellphone and computer usage, so you’ll rarely get a call, text, or email
• Accomplishes a post-visitation shakedown, extracting as much info as possible to find negatives
• Able to hold resentment towards young, innocent children (ie, your children from another marriage)
• Never calls you when the child is sick or taken out of school
• Teaches the child adult things to tell you, such as “I don’t feel comfortable about the duration of our summer visitation, Dad”
• Labels themselves the “good” parent; labels you the “bad” parent
• Tells the child false stories about their childhood
• Tells the child in vivid detail how he or she was victimized by you (while taking no blame at all for the divorce)
• Teaches the child how to lie to you (coating their little hearts with false malice and scorn)
• Diminishes your extended family’s worth
• Neglects to have the child call you for your birthday, on New Year’s Eve, or other important dates
• Refuses to help the child reach and call/email/mail cards on relatives’ birthdays on your side of the family tree
• Uses child’s cellphone as a leash
• Never gets the child excited about seeing you
• Reminds the child of all that he or she will be missing while with you and away from them
• Inflicts his or her unhappiness onto the child (as alienators are deeply unhappy people)
• Attempts via a lawyer to reduce visitation to that even below family court minimum standards
• Takes the child out of state without a peep, while demands precise details whenever you travel with them
• Monopolizes the child’s time for hours on the phone (if you let them)
• Views any event in the child’s life– a distant Aunt’s birthday, a friend’s birthday, etc– as more important than their time with you
• Teaches the children from their current marriage to despise you
• Informs children of alienator’s plans for them past 18 (you’ll go to college at X, and will stay here with me)
• Is jealous of anything fun and memorable you do with the child (as they view the good times as a threat)
• Gripes about things you’re doing as a parent to the child, but says nothing to you about it
• Has outbursts around the child (extremely dramatic ones)

Empathy is Gone.

Lack of empathy is one of the most striking features of people with narcissistic personality disorder. It's a hallmark of the disorder in the same way that fear of abandonment is in borderline personality disorder.

"Narcissists do not consider the pain they inflict on others; nor do they give any credence to others' perceptions," says Dr. Les Carter in the book Enough of You, Let's Talk About Me (p. 9). "They simply do not care about thoughts and feelings that conflict with their own." Do not expect them to listen, validate, understand, or support you.

Never let a narcissist determine your self-worth. Narcissists lack empathy and the ability to validate others, so don't trust them with sensitive information or sharing important achievements because they won’t treat it with the respect it deserves.

Pity the Narcissist. Arrogance doesn't inspire sympathy or compassion. But at the end of the day, when you think about it, pity may be the only emotion evoked by someone who is so desperately in need of constant compliments, attention and validation.

Source.

Confusion is Insurance.

Victims or targets of a narcissistic personality leave the interaction, feeling Baffled, confused, and SELF BLAMING.

It is more often that a target of a narcissist will seek out therapy, often complaining to the therapist, that they suffer a general malaise and dis - ease with their lives; wondering what is WRONG with them.

As a person begins to understand the dynamics of a narcissistic personality, they begin to not only feel the relief that the problem is NOT themselves, as they've been blamed or encouraged to believe, but rather the presence of a personality disorder in the person they've been so baffled by.

With knowledge, comes POWER. The power to walk away from and establish boundaries to reclaim your identity, as narcissists are the CONSUMMATE identity thieves. Often taking what they want from a person they view as an 'OBJECT' and then leaving them in the dust and destruction of the chaos they caused in that person's life.

Source.

Sheep Attire

Often, a narcissist who is unaware or unwilling to come to terms with the mental deficiencies they possess will convince themselves that *they* are actually an Empath - someone who has an acute or highly developed sense of empathy. In actuality, a narcissist has a severe lack of empathy and is only ever attuned to their own emotions and needs, but they believe they are the expert people-readers, always expertly attuned to the emotions and needs of other people. What a narcissist is actually tuned into is the survey of vulnerability or fortitude in those around them. The narcissist only gives their emotional love to those they believe are worthy...which means to those who do not see, or confront them too deeply about the mental crimes that they commit against others. The narc can sense people who see beyond the excellent fake exterior that they work hard at portraying, and they will immediately sense the threat to their mask being revealed and start a campaign to assassinate the character of the person that they feel threatened by.

A Narc believes they have the right to other people's belongings, other people's personal liberties, and they believe they know the how and why of almost anything - especially in regards to their victims/targets. They will lie relentlessly while claiming arrogantly that their perspective is supreme and if you perspective or feelings disagree, then you need to be fixed, and they are perfect. They believe they have the right to demand from you whatever they want, while also getting off on deciphering what it is that their victim wants/needs and if they can, working to siphon off the victim's ability to have their needs or wants met. This gives them the sense of power and control they believe they have the right to have. They convince themselves that they have the right to power and control over you because they are the smarter, better, or more responsible. They work to put you down and convince *you* that you are not adequate, and they tend to victimize people who they "intuitively" glean as being easy to dominate - at least for a long enough period of time to feed the Narc's need to feed on the weaknesses of others (narc supply). Once the narc realizes that they can receive an easier or more supply of emotional and mental submission from another victim, they will discard the current victim and tell the victim that it is their fault that they are being left. Narc's never take responsibilities, and apologies are feigned and superficial, if they are ever said at all.

Why?

I have known my husband since I was 17 and he was 20. He was my best friend's high school sweetheart, and one of my favorite people on earth. In one sudden move, he broke up with my best friend and abruptly fell off the face of the earth. Years later, I finally found him --- married to the woman whom he'd left my best friend for and miserable. His wife had effectively isolated him from his family, convinced him that he was a drug addict, forced into NA, and obliterated his sense of self. He was a shell of who he used to be, his spirit was dim, and his heart was crushed. It took him eight years, but he finally shut down completely and reached levels of hopelessness that he'd never imagined. The marriage ended with his being falsely accused and wrongly convicted of domestic violence against a family member; and she took the house, the car, the kids, and any shred of dignity that she could get out of him along the way. 

This is a very short version obviously, but the pain of what he went through, paired with the pain of what she has put him through since the marriage ended is hard to describe. Physical abuse is easy to explain and prove, but emotional abuse is a devastation that can steal years of your life. These are his stories, our experience, and information we have used to help us navigate through having to withstand a true Narcissist at work.