Showing posts with label narcissist. Show all posts
Showing posts with label narcissist. Show all posts
Monday, December 29, 2014
Psychopaths cannot change.
Psychopathy is incurable and untreatable. They do not want help, because they believe themselves to be superior to "regular" human beings. You do not have to worry that they're a changed man or woman, because they're not. They may give off the illusion of "goodness" in order to maintain an image of normalcy, but like anything else with a psychopath, it's all manufactured. They are incapable of seeing other human beings as unique individuals deserving of love & kindness. All they see is pawns on a chess board. Someone who is capable of abusing you (with silence, gas-lighting, cheating, and pathological lying) is not also capable of suddenly being a decent human being because they found a better partner. These qualities & behaviors are indicative of a serious personality disorder, not temporary symptoms a bad relationship.
Tuesday, September 30, 2014
How do they operate?
With confidence and a smile. The person everyone loves...except for those behind closed doors closest to them.
With speed and secrecy. Rarely are they spotted and when they are they merely weave this into the grand plot.
With goals and purpose. They act with an end in mind and you are a resource to be tapped, used and discarded if no longer wanted.
They Deny.
They Excuse.
They Accuse.
They Lie.
Words for them are very cheap and other people even less so. This is who they are and they are not changing. Why should they? For them you are the problem and they are the solution.
With speed and secrecy. Rarely are they spotted and when they are they merely weave this into the grand plot.
With goals and purpose. They act with an end in mind and you are a resource to be tapped, used and discarded if no longer wanted.
They Deny.
They Excuse.
They Accuse.
They Lie.
Words for them are very cheap and other people even less so. This is who they are and they are not changing. Why should they? For them you are the problem and they are the solution.
Friday, September 26, 2014
Triangulation, and how they use it.
To draw you closer, the psychopath creates an aura of desirability—of being wanted and courted by many. It will become a point of vanity for you to be the preferred object of their attention, to win them away from a crowd of admirers. They manufacture the illusion of popularity by surrounding themselves with members of the opposite sex: friends, former lovers, and your eventual replacement. Then, they create triangles that stimulate rivalry and raise their perceived value. (Adapted from “The Art of Seduction” by Robert Greene).
A note before I continue: people fall in and out of love. People find new love, before and after relationships come to an end. People cheat on one another. This section is not about these everyday occurrences—no matter how heartbreaking and unfair they might be. Instead, I will be describing a very specific set of patterns and behaviors that psychopaths utilize in order to torture and control their targets.
Psychopaths, like most predators, seek power and control. They want to dominate their partners sexually, emotionally, and physically. They do this by exploiting vulnerabilities. This is why they love-bomb you with attention and flattery in the beginning of the relationship—because no matter how strong or confident you are, being in “love” makes you vulnerable by default. Psychopaths don’t need physical aggression to control you (although sometimes they do). Instead, relationships provide them with the perfect opportunity to consume you by manufacturing the illusion of love. This is why it’s so damaging when bystanders say: “Well, why didn’t you just leave?” You never entered a relationship with the psychopath expecting to be abused, belittled, and criticized—first, you were tricked into falling in love, which is the strongest human bond in the world. Psychopaths know this.
So how do psychopaths maintain such a powerful bond over their targets? One of their favorite methods is through triangulation. When I mention this term, survivors usually equate it with the next target, but that is not always the case. Psychopaths use triangulation on a regular basis to seem in “high-demand”, and to keep you obsessed with them at all times. This can occur with anyone:
1. Your family
2. Their family
3. Your friends
4. Their friends
5. Ex-partners
6. Partners-to-be
7. Complete strangers
The psychopath’s ability to groom others is unmatched. They feel an intense euphoria when they turn people against each other, especially when it’s over a competition for them. Psychopaths will manufacture situations to make you jealous and question their fidelity. In a normal relationship, people go out of their way to prove that they are trustworthy—but the psychopath does exactly the opposite. They are constantly suggesting that they might be pursuing other options, or spending time with other people, so that you can never settle down into a feeling of peace. And they will always deny this, calling you crazy for bringing it up.
The issue here is that you’re accustomed to such a high level of attention after they first lured you in, so it feels very personal & confusing when they direct that attention elsewhere. They know this. They’ll “forget” plans with you, and spend a few days with friends that they always complained about to you. They’ll ignore you to spend more time with their family, when they initially told you that they were all horrible people. They’ll seek sympathy from an ex when a member of their family dies, and explain that they just have a “special friendship” you wouldn’t understand. Often—if not always—that ex is someone they first claimed was abusive and unstable.
Seeking attention, sympathy and solace from people who are not you is a very common tactic of the psychopath. As an empathetic person, and as their partner, you rightfully feel that they should be seeking comfort in you. You’ve always healed them in the past, so what’s different now? They once claimed that they were a broken person, and that you were the reason they were happy again. But now, they turn to private friendships or past relationships that you could “never understand”. And they will always make sure to shove this in your face.
This brings me to the next topic: social media.
Technology makes it so much easier for psychopaths to manipulate through triangulation. It can be as simple as liking a comment from an old ex, while ignoring one from you. They will “accidentally” upload a photo album where they’re embracing the ex they once claimed to hate. Everything appears to be unintentional—you often attribute it to insensitivity—but make no mistake: it is carefully calculated.
They will post strategically ambiguous statuses, songs, and videos that suggest you might be “losing” them. They will share things that are intentionally meant to lure in new & old targets. For example, an inside joke with their new victim. Or the love song that they once shared with their ex. This does two things: it leaves you feeling unhinged, anxious, and jealous. But it also makes the competing party feel confident, loved, and special. They are grooming others as they erode your identity—two birds with one stone.
They want you to confront them about these things, because they are so seemingly minimal that you will appear crazy and jealous for bringing it up. They will calmly provide an excuse for everything and then blame you. Covert abuse is impossible to prove, because it’s always strategically ambiguous. You can’t prove that they’re luring in their ex because of a song they posted, but you know it intuitively. This is how they finalize the crazy-making. Because let’s be honest: complaining about Facebook statuses & comments does seem immature. That’s exactly how they want you to feel.
Psychopaths are also expertly skilled at surrounding themselves with givers—insecure people who find self-worth in taking care of others. This is why your giving seems so insignificant and replaceable during the relationship. They adore qualities in others who are nothing like you—sometimes even the exact opposite of you. The message is simple: you are no longer special. You are replaceable. If you don’t give them the worshipping they deserve, they’ll always have other sources. And even if you do give them positive energy, they’ll get bored of you eventually. They don’t need you. Their current round of fans will always spoil and admire them, making you believe that they truly must be a great person. But take a careful look around. You’ll notice that they all seem to have an unspoken misery about them.
The final triangulation happens when they make the decision to abandon you. This is when they’ll begin freely talking about how much this relationship is hurting them, and how they don’t know if they can deal with your behavior anymore. They will usually mention talking to a close friend about your relationship, going into details about how they both agreed that your relationship wasn’t healthy. In the meantime, they’ve been blatantly ignoring frantic messages from you. You’ll be sitting there wondering why they aren’t chatting with you about these concerns, considering it’s your relationship.
Well, the reason is that they’ve already made the decision to dump you—now they’re just torturing you. They only seek advice from people they know will agree with them. That “friend” they’re talking to is probably their next target.
After the breakup, they will openly brag about how happy they are with their new partner, where most normal people would feel very embarrassed and secretive about entering a new relationship so quickly. And even more surprising, they fully expect you to be happy for them. Otherwise you are bitter and jealous.
During this period, they make a post-dump assessment. If you grovel or beg, they are likely to find some value in your energy. They will be both disgusted and delighted by your behavior. If you lash out and begin uncovering their lies, they will do everything in their power to drive you to suicide. Even if you come back to them later with an apology, they will permanently despise any target who once dared talk back to them. You’ve seen too much—the predator behind the mask.
This is why they constantly wave their new partner in your face, posting pictures and declaring their happiness online. Proving how happy and perfect they are. It’s a final attempt to drive you insane with triangulation. To make you blame the new target, instead of the true abuser.
Exes who stay strung do not understand that they are puppets to the psychopath. Instead, they feel that they are fulfilling some sort of beautiful duty as a friend—someone who will always be there for them. They don’t understand that they are only kept around to spice things up when the psychopath becomes bored. They don’t see that they are the basis of so many fights—not because their friendship with the psychopath is special and enviable, but because the psychopath intentionally creates that drama. They are operating under the delusion that their friendship with the psychopath is brilliant, unique, and unprecedented. When in reality, they are just used for triangulation.
So how can you protect yourself from this devastating emotional abuse? First, you must learn self-respect. I will discuss this in more detail later on in the book. But the bottom line is, you need know what is acceptable and unacceptable behavior in a relationship. You should know that a partner who cheats and antagonizes is not worth your time. You should never resort to calling yourself crazy in order to account for their extremely sketchy behavior. But that’s hard to do with subtle, covert, crazy-making abuse.
So here’s where I introduce “The Detective Rule”. The idea is simple: if you find yourself playing detective with someone, you remove them from your life immediately. Remember your Constant? Do you play detective with them? Do you cyberstalk their Facebook page and question their every intention? No, of course not. So you know the common denominator is external.
Even if this sense of distrust feels obscure and unreasonable, trust your gut. If you are constantly worrying or doubting your thoughts, it’s time to stop blaming yourself and start taking action.
Miraculously, every single time you remove that toxic person from your life, you will find that the anxiety subsides. Some of us are better at judging ourselves than others, so this finally gives you a chance to put that to use. You can decide whether or not you like the way you feel around someone. No one can ever tell you that your feelings are wrong. Remember the question: “How are you feeling today?” The answer is all that matters.
Triangulation leaves long-lasting emotional scars, and it makes you feel as if you are a jealous, needy, insecure monster. Start healing those scars and understand that they were manufactured. You were not yourself—you were manipulated. The real you is kind, loving, open-minded, and compassionate. Never question these things again.
A note before I continue: people fall in and out of love. People find new love, before and after relationships come to an end. People cheat on one another. This section is not about these everyday occurrences—no matter how heartbreaking and unfair they might be. Instead, I will be describing a very specific set of patterns and behaviors that psychopaths utilize in order to torture and control their targets.
Psychopaths, like most predators, seek power and control. They want to dominate their partners sexually, emotionally, and physically. They do this by exploiting vulnerabilities. This is why they love-bomb you with attention and flattery in the beginning of the relationship—because no matter how strong or confident you are, being in “love” makes you vulnerable by default. Psychopaths don’t need physical aggression to control you (although sometimes they do). Instead, relationships provide them with the perfect opportunity to consume you by manufacturing the illusion of love. This is why it’s so damaging when bystanders say: “Well, why didn’t you just leave?” You never entered a relationship with the psychopath expecting to be abused, belittled, and criticized—first, you were tricked into falling in love, which is the strongest human bond in the world. Psychopaths know this.
So how do psychopaths maintain such a powerful bond over their targets? One of their favorite methods is through triangulation. When I mention this term, survivors usually equate it with the next target, but that is not always the case. Psychopaths use triangulation on a regular basis to seem in “high-demand”, and to keep you obsessed with them at all times. This can occur with anyone:
1. Your family
2. Their family
3. Your friends
4. Their friends
5. Ex-partners
6. Partners-to-be
7. Complete strangers
The psychopath’s ability to groom others is unmatched. They feel an intense euphoria when they turn people against each other, especially when it’s over a competition for them. Psychopaths will manufacture situations to make you jealous and question their fidelity. In a normal relationship, people go out of their way to prove that they are trustworthy—but the psychopath does exactly the opposite. They are constantly suggesting that they might be pursuing other options, or spending time with other people, so that you can never settle down into a feeling of peace. And they will always deny this, calling you crazy for bringing it up.
The issue here is that you’re accustomed to such a high level of attention after they first lured you in, so it feels very personal & confusing when they direct that attention elsewhere. They know this. They’ll “forget” plans with you, and spend a few days with friends that they always complained about to you. They’ll ignore you to spend more time with their family, when they initially told you that they were all horrible people. They’ll seek sympathy from an ex when a member of their family dies, and explain that they just have a “special friendship” you wouldn’t understand. Often—if not always—that ex is someone they first claimed was abusive and unstable.
Seeking attention, sympathy and solace from people who are not you is a very common tactic of the psychopath. As an empathetic person, and as their partner, you rightfully feel that they should be seeking comfort in you. You’ve always healed them in the past, so what’s different now? They once claimed that they were a broken person, and that you were the reason they were happy again. But now, they turn to private friendships or past relationships that you could “never understand”. And they will always make sure to shove this in your face.
This brings me to the next topic: social media.
Technology makes it so much easier for psychopaths to manipulate through triangulation. It can be as simple as liking a comment from an old ex, while ignoring one from you. They will “accidentally” upload a photo album where they’re embracing the ex they once claimed to hate. Everything appears to be unintentional—you often attribute it to insensitivity—but make no mistake: it is carefully calculated.
They will post strategically ambiguous statuses, songs, and videos that suggest you might be “losing” them. They will share things that are intentionally meant to lure in new & old targets. For example, an inside joke with their new victim. Or the love song that they once shared with their ex. This does two things: it leaves you feeling unhinged, anxious, and jealous. But it also makes the competing party feel confident, loved, and special. They are grooming others as they erode your identity—two birds with one stone.
They want you to confront them about these things, because they are so seemingly minimal that you will appear crazy and jealous for bringing it up. They will calmly provide an excuse for everything and then blame you. Covert abuse is impossible to prove, because it’s always strategically ambiguous. You can’t prove that they’re luring in their ex because of a song they posted, but you know it intuitively. This is how they finalize the crazy-making. Because let’s be honest: complaining about Facebook statuses & comments does seem immature. That’s exactly how they want you to feel.
Psychopaths are also expertly skilled at surrounding themselves with givers—insecure people who find self-worth in taking care of others. This is why your giving seems so insignificant and replaceable during the relationship. They adore qualities in others who are nothing like you—sometimes even the exact opposite of you. The message is simple: you are no longer special. You are replaceable. If you don’t give them the worshipping they deserve, they’ll always have other sources. And even if you do give them positive energy, they’ll get bored of you eventually. They don’t need you. Their current round of fans will always spoil and admire them, making you believe that they truly must be a great person. But take a careful look around. You’ll notice that they all seem to have an unspoken misery about them.
The final triangulation happens when they make the decision to abandon you. This is when they’ll begin freely talking about how much this relationship is hurting them, and how they don’t know if they can deal with your behavior anymore. They will usually mention talking to a close friend about your relationship, going into details about how they both agreed that your relationship wasn’t healthy. In the meantime, they’ve been blatantly ignoring frantic messages from you. You’ll be sitting there wondering why they aren’t chatting with you about these concerns, considering it’s your relationship.
Well, the reason is that they’ve already made the decision to dump you—now they’re just torturing you. They only seek advice from people they know will agree with them. That “friend” they’re talking to is probably their next target.
After the breakup, they will openly brag about how happy they are with their new partner, where most normal people would feel very embarrassed and secretive about entering a new relationship so quickly. And even more surprising, they fully expect you to be happy for them. Otherwise you are bitter and jealous.
During this period, they make a post-dump assessment. If you grovel or beg, they are likely to find some value in your energy. They will be both disgusted and delighted by your behavior. If you lash out and begin uncovering their lies, they will do everything in their power to drive you to suicide. Even if you come back to them later with an apology, they will permanently despise any target who once dared talk back to them. You’ve seen too much—the predator behind the mask.
This is why they constantly wave their new partner in your face, posting pictures and declaring their happiness online. Proving how happy and perfect they are. It’s a final attempt to drive you insane with triangulation. To make you blame the new target, instead of the true abuser.
Exes who stay strung do not understand that they are puppets to the psychopath. Instead, they feel that they are fulfilling some sort of beautiful duty as a friend—someone who will always be there for them. They don’t understand that they are only kept around to spice things up when the psychopath becomes bored. They don’t see that they are the basis of so many fights—not because their friendship with the psychopath is special and enviable, but because the psychopath intentionally creates that drama. They are operating under the delusion that their friendship with the psychopath is brilliant, unique, and unprecedented. When in reality, they are just used for triangulation.
So how can you protect yourself from this devastating emotional abuse? First, you must learn self-respect. I will discuss this in more detail later on in the book. But the bottom line is, you need know what is acceptable and unacceptable behavior in a relationship. You should know that a partner who cheats and antagonizes is not worth your time. You should never resort to calling yourself crazy in order to account for their extremely sketchy behavior. But that’s hard to do with subtle, covert, crazy-making abuse.
So here’s where I introduce “The Detective Rule”. The idea is simple: if you find yourself playing detective with someone, you remove them from your life immediately. Remember your Constant? Do you play detective with them? Do you cyberstalk their Facebook page and question their every intention? No, of course not. So you know the common denominator is external.
Even if this sense of distrust feels obscure and unreasonable, trust your gut. If you are constantly worrying or doubting your thoughts, it’s time to stop blaming yourself and start taking action.
Miraculously, every single time you remove that toxic person from your life, you will find that the anxiety subsides. Some of us are better at judging ourselves than others, so this finally gives you a chance to put that to use. You can decide whether or not you like the way you feel around someone. No one can ever tell you that your feelings are wrong. Remember the question: “How are you feeling today?” The answer is all that matters.
Triangulation leaves long-lasting emotional scars, and it makes you feel as if you are a jealous, needy, insecure monster. Start healing those scars and understand that they were manufactured. You were not yourself—you were manipulated. The real you is kind, loving, open-minded, and compassionate. Never question these things again.
Wednesday, September 24, 2014
How It Works.
Psychopathic Dosing: Small and temporary resurrections of the idealize phase to keep the victim under his/her control.
How it works:
1. Draw victim in with idealization/flattery
2. Victim becomes hooked to the idealization/flattery
3. Start to abuse the victim (typically begins with small, subtle criticisms)
4. Victim tries to remain easy-going and flexible, determined not to react.
5. Escalate the abuse
6. Victim reacts and might try to stand up for themselves.
7. Dose the victim with just enough idealization (Step 1) to distract from the abuse
8. Victim forgives/absorbs the abuse.
9. Repeat 1-8, over and over again.
10. Abuse continues to get worse and worse, and less dosing is required because the victim's boundaries are slowly being destroyed.
How it works:
1. Draw victim in with idealization/flattery
2. Victim becomes hooked to the idealization/flattery
3. Start to abuse the victim (typically begins with small, subtle criticisms)
4. Victim tries to remain easy-going and flexible, determined not to react.
5. Escalate the abuse
6. Victim reacts and might try to stand up for themselves.
7. Dose the victim with just enough idealization (Step 1) to distract from the abuse
8. Victim forgives/absorbs the abuse.
9. Repeat 1-8, over and over again.
10. Abuse continues to get worse and worse, and less dosing is required because the victim's boundaries are slowly being destroyed.
Tuesday, September 9, 2014
Everything you ever knew is not true.
When you react strongly or tell someone that their behavior is hurting you, a good friend or partner will work to improve & avoid that behavior in the future. Unfortunately, psychopaths do the exact opposite. When they notice that a certain behavior is upsetting you, they adopt it as a new "strategy". The stronger you react, the better the strategy. If the silent treatment makes you beg and plead, they'll start giving you more silence. If hints of cheating & infidelity make you cry, they'll start tossing in more and more of those subtle suggestions. Our assumption is that all humans feel remorse when they see someone else in pain, but psychopaths exploit these most vulnerable cries for help and then amplify whatever is causing it.
Monday, September 8, 2014
Interesting.
When I speak of reprobation, I mean someone or group, by their own free will, repeatedly and consistently rejects God, grieves the Holy Spirit and ultimately calls evil good and good evil.
...maybe you have good reason for not stepping foot in church, or raising your children in church either.
...maybe you have good reason for not stepping foot in church, or raising your children in church either.
The goal
Psychopaths do things and then claim they never happened. This crazy-making behavior can range from serious things like cheating, to trivial things like slight changes in their schedule. If you have physical evidence of the lie, you'll be punished with silence and suddenly find yourself apologizing for "creating drama". The goal is to completely destabilize your perception of reality.
Friday, September 5, 2014
Tuesday, September 2, 2014
Are you a narcissist?
- An obvious self-focus in interpersonal exchanges
- Problems in sustaining satisfying relationships
- A lack of psychological awareness (see insight in psychology and psychiatry, egosyntonic)
- Difficulty with empathy
- Problems distinguishing the self from others (see narcissism and boundaries)
- Hypersensitivity to any insults or imagined insults (see criticism and narcissists, narcissistic rage and narcissistic injury)
- Vulnerability to shame rather than guilt
- Haughty body language
- Flattery towards people who admire and affirm them (narcissistic supply)
- Detesting those who do not admire them (narcissistic abuse)
- Using other people without considering the cost of doing so
- Pretending to be more important than they really are
- Bragging (subtly but persistently) and exaggerating their achievements
- Claiming to be an "expert" at many things
- Inability to view the world from the perspective of other people
- Denial of remorse and gratitude
Anatomy of the narc-a-relationship:
1. Charm the target
2. Become super interested in target
3. Study and learn all about target & family and friends
4. Begin to isolate target/distance from friends and family
5. Alternate between positive and negative feeling to unbalance target
6. Gaslight target
7. Control target
8. Devalue target
9. Look for target replacement, then discard target
10. Go on crazy rampage. Then repeat.
Decoding the "Jealousy" bait narcs throw at discards.
What a narcissist means when s/he says that their new target is so much better:
"My new target is brilliant enough to worship me!"
"My new target is smart enough to worship me!"
"My new target is kind enough to be my supply, because I don't actually have any of my own!"
"My new target is full of virtues for me to live on, because I don't have any virtues of my own!"
"Look at my old discarded, used target - all used up. I proved that you are JUST LIKE ME because I spent all your patience and kindness on trying to fill my bottomless pit of evil."
"I am the better one because I threw YOU away, not the other way around."
"My new target is full of innocence and fresh worship for me. I am smarter now. I know how to trick this new supply into believing all my lies. This new supply will worship me longer, better, and harder than you."
"My new target is brilliant enough to worship me!"
"My new target is smart enough to worship me!"
"My new target is kind enough to be my supply, because I don't actually have any of my own!"
"My new target is full of virtues for me to live on, because I don't have any virtues of my own!"
"Look at my old discarded, used target - all used up. I proved that you are JUST LIKE ME because I spent all your patience and kindness on trying to fill my bottomless pit of evil."
"I am the better one because I threw YOU away, not the other way around."
"My new target is full of innocence and fresh worship for me. I am smarter now. I know how to trick this new supply into believing all my lies. This new supply will worship me longer, better, and harder than you."
Evil is evil, playa!
Sometimes, evil does not translate into violence or murder. Sometimes, evil can be difficult to detect. It can be masked by charm and flattery, and it is often perpetuated by pathological lying, projection, and various other mind games.
Monday, September 1, 2014
Only THEIR Terms & Conditions...because...they are superior, after all.
Relationships with these people are transactional and unidirectional. You will always give more than you receive. Some choose to stay in these relationship and I can't judge this decision as it is personal and was the decision I myself made. I can however warn you that staying comes at a risk and a price: Lack of support, lack of love and the very real risk that one day they themselves will fully devalue and discard you...ON THEIR complete TERMS AND CONDITIONS. I stayed and this is exactly what happened. In hindsight I wish that I had had more strength and independence to leave on my own and better control the conditions of my departure.
The meaning of the word CREEP.
When discussing these types with others I have have frequently heard or had people hint that they would have gotten out earlier knowing that this person clearly had problems and was a narcissist. The problem with this though is this: They didn't seem to have a problem...at first. It was a slow progression where one is slowly worn down, groomed and the abusive behaviors slowly applied.
Calling all idiots!
Mr. or Ms. Narcissist is successful in controlling others because if they aren't they simply move on to someone else or groups of someone else's. The non players are side stepped, ignored, avoided or vilified as the case may be...everyone else is left to serve as their useful idiot.
Tuesday, August 26, 2014
Narcissist Training Manual - Part 2.
1. Never be bored.
2. Don't spend time around people who do not give you something.
3. Never let loved one's feel too comfortable.
4. People are out to get you...get them first.
5. If you haven't gotten your way, keep trying.
6. Punish those who hurt you.
7. If alone in a room with your partner talking...ignore them.
8. Cheating is ok if you are bored.
9. Don't forget to say things like "that is awful", "I am sorry", "Let me get that for you"...lest they learn my secret indifference.
10. Did I get what I want?
2. Don't spend time around people who do not give you something.
3. Never let loved one's feel too comfortable.
4. People are out to get you...get them first.
5. If you haven't gotten your way, keep trying.
6. Punish those who hurt you.
7. If alone in a room with your partner talking...ignore them.
8. Cheating is ok if you are bored.
9. Don't forget to say things like "that is awful", "I am sorry", "Let me get that for you"...lest they learn my secret indifference.
10. Did I get what I want?
Narcissist Training Manual - Part 1.
1. When in a social situation with your partner always keep talking.
2. Keep telling your story until you yourself believe it.
3. People come in four varieties: People to use, people to destroy, people to avoid, fresh new people.
4. Partners only have a few good years in them, use them up before they spoil.
5. Remember to look good and act hip. Remember dress, music and props.
6. Never accept anything but having it your way.
7. Lose anyone who doesn't live up to your standards.
8. If your partner speaks, explain how they could improve.
9. Sex is a tool to achieve a goal.
10. Remind partners that without you they will never survive.
2. Keep telling your story until you yourself believe it.
3. People come in four varieties: People to use, people to destroy, people to avoid, fresh new people.
4. Partners only have a few good years in them, use them up before they spoil.
5. Remember to look good and act hip. Remember dress, music and props.
6. Never accept anything but having it your way.
7. Lose anyone who doesn't live up to your standards.
8. If your partner speaks, explain how they could improve.
9. Sex is a tool to achieve a goal.
10. Remind partners that without you they will never survive.
Saturday, August 23, 2014
How dare you be comfortable?
Give, give, give...then feel like shit afterwards. Every single one of these people are takers. They love to receive. Every day is THEM day.
Bring a gift, bring your love, your devotion, your undivided attention and your soul.
Don't feel too comfortable though because this makes them uncomfortable...feeling comfortable is THEIR realm, not yours. You are just the delivery person. Serve until better comes along.
Bring a gift, bring your love, your devotion, your undivided attention and your soul.
Don't feel too comfortable though because this makes them uncomfortable...feeling comfortable is THEIR realm, not yours. You are just the delivery person. Serve until better comes along.
It couldn't have ended any other way.
Whatever happened in your relationship with the psychopath, and no matter how awful the final discard was, it could not have happened any other way. The D&D (devalue and discard) is the psychopath's goal—the final payoff. They get to cause you the maximum amount of pain they can (sheer delight for them), and move on to fresh supply to start the game again. How could you have possibly prevented that? You can't—not with someone who is actively working against you, using love-bombing and trust, and a false persona, to set you up for a horrifying downfall.
You struggled through the relationship, watching the psychopath slowly pull away, devalue you, wondering what you had done wrong, and desperately trying to "fix" things between you. And all the while, they kept adding to the pressure—building your fears, your panic, and your addiction. It was deliberate and calculated.
There's no embarrassment in what you did, trying to save what you thought you had. At least, there shouldn't be. If you were with a normal person, it may have worked. But then, with a normal person, he or she would have met you half way, to work on any problems. The psychopath knew what they were doing—manipulating the situation and you, to create your desperation, and to increase your pain. It was the game. And if you haven't gone total No Contact, it still is.
You tried your best. In fact, you did more than your best, as you knocked down your own boundaries, trying to change and prevent what was coming. But in the end, there was nothing you could do—it was designed by the psychopath to end like it did. You could be the most stunning, accomplished, intelligent person, and it still wouldn't matter. It wouldn't have stopped the discard. Nothing will.
In the end, it really wasn't you, it was the psychopath. You tried to deal openly, honestly, and lovingly with someone who exploited that, and used it against you. You are not the sick person, the psychopath is. So please, learn to forgive yourself. You were in an unfair, exploitative, parasitic relationship, and how you reacted is how any normal, healthy person would have. You were being manipulated, and responded the way the psychopath wanted you to.
Now you are wiser. Now, you will grow from what you've learned, and become stronger. Your boundaries will be reaffirmed, and grow stronger as well. The psychopath did not destroy you—they have only tried to convince you of that. But that's the addiction talking. Rise up—be a better you. And remember, it couldn't have ended any other way.
You struggled through the relationship, watching the psychopath slowly pull away, devalue you, wondering what you had done wrong, and desperately trying to "fix" things between you. And all the while, they kept adding to the pressure—building your fears, your panic, and your addiction. It was deliberate and calculated.
There's no embarrassment in what you did, trying to save what you thought you had. At least, there shouldn't be. If you were with a normal person, it may have worked. But then, with a normal person, he or she would have met you half way, to work on any problems. The psychopath knew what they were doing—manipulating the situation and you, to create your desperation, and to increase your pain. It was the game. And if you haven't gone total No Contact, it still is.
You tried your best. In fact, you did more than your best, as you knocked down your own boundaries, trying to change and prevent what was coming. But in the end, there was nothing you could do—it was designed by the psychopath to end like it did. You could be the most stunning, accomplished, intelligent person, and it still wouldn't matter. It wouldn't have stopped the discard. Nothing will.
In the end, it really wasn't you, it was the psychopath. You tried to deal openly, honestly, and lovingly with someone who exploited that, and used it against you. You are not the sick person, the psychopath is. So please, learn to forgive yourself. You were in an unfair, exploitative, parasitic relationship, and how you reacted is how any normal, healthy person would have. You were being manipulated, and responded the way the psychopath wanted you to.
Now you are wiser. Now, you will grow from what you've learned, and become stronger. Your boundaries will be reaffirmed, and grow stronger as well. The psychopath did not destroy you—they have only tried to convince you of that. But that's the addiction talking. Rise up—be a better you. And remember, it couldn't have ended any other way.
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