How do they operate?

With confidence and a smile. The person everyone loves...except for those behind closed doors closest to them.

With speed and secrecy. Rarely are they spotted and when they are they merely weave this into the grand plot.

With goals and purpose. They act with an end in mind and you are a resource to be tapped, used and discarded if no longer wanted.

They Deny.
They Excuse.
They Accuse.
They Lie.

Words for them are very cheap and other people even less so. This is who they are and they are not changing. Why should they? For them you are the problem and they are the solution.

How It Works.

Psychopathic Dosing: Small and temporary resurrections of the idealize phase to keep the victim under his/her control.

How it works:
1. Draw victim in with idealization/flattery
2. Victim becomes hooked to the idealization/flattery
3. Start to abuse the victim (typically begins with small, subtle criticisms)
4. Victim tries to remain easy-going and flexible, determined not to react.
5. Escalate the abuse
6. Victim reacts and might try to stand up for themselves.
7. Dose the victim with just enough idealization (Step 1) to distract from the abuse
8. Victim forgives/absorbs the abuse.
9. Repeat 1-8, over and over again.
10. Abuse continues to get worse and worse, and less dosing is required because the victim's boundaries are slowly being destroyed.

Everything you ever knew is not true.

When you react strongly or tell someone that their behavior is hurting you, a good friend or partner will work to improve & avoid that behavior in the future. Unfortunately, psychopaths do the exact opposite. When they notice that a certain behavior is upsetting you, they adopt it as a new "strategy". The stronger you react, the better the strategy. If the silent treatment makes you beg and plead, they'll start giving you more silence. If hints of cheating & infidelity make you cry, they'll start tossing in more and more of those subtle suggestions. Our assumption is that all humans feel remorse when they see someone else in pain, but psychopaths exploit these most vulnerable cries for help and then amplify whatever is causing it.

Interesting.

When I speak of reprobation, I mean someone or group, by their own free will, repeatedly and consistently rejects God, grieves the Holy Spirit and ultimately calls evil good and good evil.

...maybe you have good reason for not stepping foot in church, or raising your children in church either.

The goal

Psychopaths do things and then claim they never happened. This crazy-making behavior can range from serious things like cheating, to trivial things like slight changes in their schedule. If you have physical evidence of the lie, you'll be punished with silence and suddenly find yourself apologizing for "creating drama". The goal is to completely destabilize your perception of reality.

The purpose of these games is to control the dialogue and ensure that their bad behavior is never addressed.

Are you a narcissist?

• An obvious self-focus in interpersonal exchanges
• Problems in sustaining satisfying relationships
• A lack of psychological awareness (see insight in psychology and psychiatry, egosyntonic)
• Difficulty with empathy
• Problems distinguishing the self from others (see narcissism and boundaries)
• Hypersensitivity to any insults or imagined insults (see criticism and narcissists, narcissistic rage and narcissistic injury)
• Vulnerability to shame rather than guilt
• Haughty body language
• Flattery towards people who admire and affirm them (narcissistic supply)
• Detesting those who do not admire them (narcissistic abuse)
• Using other people without considering the cost of doing so
• Pretending to be more important than they really are
• Bragging (subtly but persistently) and exaggerating their achievements
• Claiming to be an "expert" at many things
• Inability to view the world from the perspective of other people
• Denial of remorse and gratitude

Anatomy of the narc-a-relationship:

1. Charm the target
2. Become super interested in target
3. Study and learn all about target & family and friends
4. Begin to isolate target/distance from friends and family
5. Alternate between positive and negative feeling to unbalance target
6. Gaslight target
7. Control target
8. Devalue target
9. Look for target replacement, then discard target
10. Go on crazy rampage. Then repeat.

Evil is evil, playa!

Sometimes, evil does not translate into violence or murder. Sometimes, evil can be difficult to detect. It can be masked by charm and flattery, and it is often perpetuated by pathological lying, projection, and various other mind games.

The meaning of the word CREEP.

When discussing these types with others I have have frequently heard or had people hint that they would have gotten out earlier knowing that this person clearly had problems and was a narcissist. The problem with this though is this: They didn't seem to have a problem...at first. It was a slow progression where one is slowly worn down, groomed and the abusive behaviors slowly applied.

Calling all idiots!

Mr. or Ms. Narcissist is successful in controlling others because if they aren't they simply move on to someone else or groups of someone else's. The non players are side stepped, ignored, avoided or vilified as the case may be...everyone else is left to serve as their useful idiot.

Oh honey, let's not "fight"...play along like the way I treat you is COMPLETELY NORMAL!

I didn't catch the signs at the beginning of the relationshit (intentional) but they were there in retrospect. One of the biggest was all the testing.

"Can I upset you?
How far can i push an issue?
Will you yell? Will you punish me back?
Will you brood?
How vicious can I take it before you react? Before you leave?
What happens when I do something you love or hate?
Test, test, test.

Oh honey...lets not fight. I simply want to know what I can get away with before I start training you."

Covert Narc Training - Once you're brainwashed:

You are less capable than you ever thought you were. Forget that job in accounting or degree in psychology...your skills in counting or understanding the human mind will slowly be eroded, replaced with their fears, doubts and worry and deferred to the expert with their natural intuitive powers of intelligence and experience. Your JesusMahatmaMotherTheresaGandhi knows more than you and any other twelve thousand people and will be happy to guide and remind you of how much practice you STILL need.

You need to seek therapy, they'll say.
You need to find Jesus, they'll say.
You need to go to rehab, they'll say.
You need serious help, they'll say.
You are hurting this family, they'll say.
You are selfish and blind, they'll say.

I only want you to be a better person. Look at all the people I have convinced of your invalidity! See! It's not ME, it's YOU.

I'm only trying to help you. You can't help it. You just have a problem. You just have a disease. God can help. Counseling can help. I just want to live a long life with you! I am just trying to help you help yourself. Poor baby. It must be hard having that disease. I will be here for you, I just need you to show you care about our family by getting the help you so desperately need!

But be very clear: YOU are the one who needs help. You're an idiot if you think anything else.

They can't bear the mirror, but they can't stop looking into it and projecting onto you.

Control. First a little here and there. Then it is what color toothbrush you should buy and how best to use the toilet, what kind of pants you should be wearing.

When they socialize it is holy...when you do it is never with the right people or for the right reasons. Family will be portrayed as meddling, close friends as interring or bad influences and everyone else either beneath you, poor or lame. Never should you be left alone with others either. If by chance you are allowed they'll want a full briefing of what transpired.

Notice that each of these previous posts have an agenda behind them: control, isolation, unbalance, devaluing, etc.

It took time to slowly drip feed these abuses to you and it took time for you to doubt your perceptions, feel like crap and get lost in a cloud of fog. This is when it's easy to slide into drug or alcohol abuse to start to cope with the confused devastation and cognitive dissonance you are experiencing. It didn't happen overnight and it was likely subtle...it could and does happen to anyone! Do not spend a single moment questioning how this could have happened to you because it happens to people of all stripes, backgrounds and education.

...You know what the creepy thing is? I (Denise) didn't write this...this is copy pasta from another unfortunate soul who fell in the Narc trap. THEY ARE ALL THE SAME: Zombies.

You better be on your best behavior...

- Pierce The Darkness - (Excerpt 1)

Relationships with narcissists are unidirectional and transactional. They take and you give.

A narcissist that tires, gets bored or feels you will leave, attack or hurt them though will act first to try and remain in control. They will often seek to punish and make you pay. They will use the kids, take all the money, destroy your relationships, assassinate your character, try and have painted as the aggressor and quite possibly have YOU arrested or committed for abuse, false crimes or mental instability. Many people will believe the allegations or at the very least be unsure. Do not make the mistake of staying for the kids sake and think that the worst that will happen is that they will merely abuse you. They can do much more than that.

You can stick it out with a narcissist and if you continue to provide them with emotional supply, comfort and support they might let you stay. They will over time want more and more though and they will also give you less and less.

People are tools for narcissists...means to an end. People are either useful, not useful or a danger to be avoided, punished into submission, pushed away or destroyed. People are objectified. Those closest to them exploited, used and controlled. Everyone else is put to a use. Some in small ways, others in large.

Do not think that a narcissist is only the slick guy at the bar picking up every lady walking by either. Your narcissist could very well be dressed in high heels and skirt as well. It might be the respected PTA mom, pastor at your church or the towns most respected businessman.

How to Recognize the Narc...

Sorting through your experiences and emotions will help you to RECOGNIZE THE NARCISSIST:

Are you often tip-toe-ing around somebody?

Are you being told there's something wrong with you?
Is your reality denied?
Is someone undermining your self-esteem?
Is someone controlling your life or manipulating you?
Do you feel you can't be yourself?
Do you exist through the other's desires and not your own?
Are you always giving up on your needs to please the other?
Are you overwhelmed by guilt?
Do you feel you need to prop somebody up?
Are you often confused, do you have difficulty sorting out what is real or not, are you living in some sort of twilight zone?
Is someone sapping your resolve?
Is whatever happens always your fault?
Are you blamed for someone else's bad moods?
Are you met with criticism, the silent treatment or other punishment when you assert needs or express feelings?
Does the other want your exclusive and unconditional attention and does he or she insist to get what they want when they want it?
Are things being shoved down your throat?
Do you always come second?
Are you dealing with someone who does not take "no" for an answer?
Do you feel you always have to surrender?
Are you never getting an "I'm sorry"?
Are you the one who worries?
Are you the designated driver of someone else's life?
Are you doing the work, while the other has fun and avoids anything that is difficult?
Is someone sucking the lifeblood out of you?
Are you often on the defense?
Are you overlooking the reality of what is happening because you are so ready and willing to try to understand?
Do you feel compelled to defend and excuse your partner or your parent?
Do you overlook behavior that hurts?
Do you feel sorry for your partner or your parent?

Dupers Delight

Sociopath dupers delight and the joy of conning someone
from Dating a Sociopath - Link Below

One thing that a sociopath feels is ‘dupers delight’. A sociopath doesn’t feel too many emotions. He can feel lots of things, anger, narcisstic rage, jealousy, paranoia, if it’s a feeling. But they don’t actually feel real feelings like other people feel. Its kind of an empty space.

Because of this sociopaths struggle with boredom and ways to get excitement. One way that they can get a rush is by manipulation and deceit, and deliberately conning someone. This is called dupers delight. The rush that they feel when they are conning someone who they feel is more stupid, and can’t see through their lies.

When found out, they do not feel bad for hurting you and they do not feel remorse or shame. Instead they feel a rush of endorphins, which for a sociopath is described as dupers delight.

This can be addictive. An addiction to experiencing that rush of endorphins. And so, they repeat this behaviour again, and again.

This is one of the reasons why sociopaths cannot be rehabilitated. They cannot change, because they feel empty inside, they become addicted to this rush of adrenaline that they feel by conning someone. To them, it is your own fault for being so stupid, and so gullible, and if you take them back, they will only do the same thing over again, thinking you must be even more stupid than they thought you were originally.

They will make empty false promises, that they will change, that they have changed. But these are merely just words. A sociopath lives on words. Unfortunately, there is rarely any correlation between words and actions.

A sociopath takes great joy, in conning, manipulating, deceiving. He enjoys abusing your sense of ‘trust’. He knows that your thinking process is that everybody can be trusted. The sociopath knows that this is not true. The more that the sociopath gets away with this behaviour, the happier he is, and the bigger the con, the greater the dupers delight he experiences.

To the sociopath, he thinks that he is superior to you, more clever than you, and that he has the ability to be something that you cannot. In some senses this is true. It is rarely a good thing. If you catch the sociopath with that little wry smile, be careful, he might be getting an adrenaline rush, and internally having a rush from yet again being able to get away with his lying, deceit, conning, and gaming.

Cockroaches

Keep in mind, that whatever you do know about the psychopath, it is only the very tip of the iceberg. There are many more things below the surface that they have done and are capable of that you will never know about. You will never discover or understand the complete depths of their depravity. The memories that already make you sick are nothing compared to what you don't know. Their lies and schemes are like cockroaches. Where you see one or two, there are thousands more you can't see.

Communicating with a Sociopath

I've spent years trying to create and maintain healthy boundaries with my ex-husband.   It’s a daily task requiring me to stay on guard at all times. I have to carefully edit and dissect every email or text that I send him to make sure that I am not being too friendly, engaging him in any way, or inviting further interaction. I avoid all face-to-face interaction in order to prevent him from trying to intimidate or manipulate me.

This is quite draining, since it is an unnatural way of communicating with another human being.  But, communication with a sociopath is not anything like communication with a normal person.

He will look for ‘hidden meanings’ that are not there, he will use words and phrases that push my emotional buttons, or he will talk in riddles that imply a message that he won’t ever say explicitly.  This is his way of setting up a possible scenario where he can twist the truth, change his meaning, accuse, blame, ridicule, you name it.

This is a favorite game of his, and I sense the trap so often that I actually begin to feel paranoid, until I talk to a ‘normal’ person.  It doesn't take long to reinforce what a healthy relationship sounds and feels like.  But, a sociopath has the uncanny ability to manipulate us into questioning the one thing that is the very essence of our survival: instinct.

Even your lies are...credible. Amazing logic.

Narcissists can't BELIEVE when others find their victims 'CREDIBLE'. They spent so much of the abusive relationship trying to ENSURE that they'd NEVER be seen as credible.

Power - So hungry for it.

Narcissists often put certain people on high pedestals, some on the same "level" as themselves, and some in the gutter. There are no grey areas; other people aren't just PEOPLE, they're either elevated to ICON status (Guru, Great, Genius, Leader) or they're a "peer", which is not really EQUAL but more like a sidekick (apprentice, follower, sycophant, servant, object) or they get labeled "Loser" and completely devalued.

For a Narcissist to "promote" a person into a higher status is almost non-existent, but not completely impossible. However, the usual direction they will "move" others is DOWN their imaginary ladder, not UP. People aren't PEOPLE, they're characters and caricatures in the Narcissist's great theater production, where they are always the star. 

They are the ones who create the pedestals and the gutters, they are the ones who create the imaginary hierarchies we seem to end up living in and around. It all actually IS an illusion. The worship and fawning of other human beings, elevating them to some kind of god-like status, and the kicking others to the gutter like they're some kind of lower creature, are simply products of a culture filled with adults with Narcissism.