Words say plenty, but actions are irrefutable...

Because of your partner’s pathological narcissism, you are expected to do for them and honor them and sing their praises while basically, you receive nothing in return. Oh sure, they likely provides you with a roof over your head—perhaps even quite a nice one at that. There might be other impressive material things they provides, too. After all, if they suffer from unhealthy levels of narcissism, they might want you encased in designer labels as well as to have diamonds flashing on your fingers and ears because these speak to others of their financial success. They may or may not be what you want to wear, however.

When you are the partner of a narcissist, you are there to project the image he wants for you—that he wants his partner to project. Of course, your house and lifestyle probably fall into this category, too. They are all about making statements to others he wishes to impress, not about providing you with the type of environment you might find comfortable or restful--an environment that feeds your soul.

Again, while the material things your narcissistic spouse provides might look good to the outside world, they likely will miss the nark with you. Nonetheless, he doesn’t care because indeed, it isn’t about you. How could you ever make such a mistake in thinking that it was? No indeed, it is all about him and his needs. And so, your narcissistic partner won’t care that you never receive the love and the emotional support you need to thrive. He doesn’t care that he has drained the emotional bank account dry—that you finally collapse, emotionally and physically depleted. You are both expendable and replaceable, my dear, because indeed, the narcissist you are merely an object to be used—not a human being with needs and feelings.

Gaslight

The Gaslight Effect happens over time - gradually - and, often, by the time you are deep into the Gaslight Tango (the dance you do with the narcissist, where you allow them to define your reality) you are not the same strong - or not so strong - self you used to be.

In fact, your ego functioning has been so compromised and, no longer being certain of your reality, you are not often able to accurately identify when something is "off" with the way the person treats you.

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And the moron Narc will tell the world that you have Antisocial Personality Disorder and you're a hopeless drug addict who needs Jesus and counseling. It's never their malignant abuse that causes ANYTHING. Nooooo, never that.

Are you being Gaslighted?

Apology? Screw you! Says the Narc.

If you're waiting for an apology from the narcissist, PLEASE, just let that go now - You'll NEVER get one that means anything. Even if they say the words...they don't MEAN it.

Here's why Narcissists are incapable of ever genuinely apologizing:

1. They don't accept responsibility - it's ALWAYS someone else's fault

2. Power & Control prevents them from truly being vulnerable enough to apologize

3. Their disordered personality construct is designed NOT to tolerate shame / vulnerability. Culpability, personal self blame is required in order to feel both guilty and genuinely sorry.

4. They don't have boundaries. They don't recognize that you are a separate person. If they don't feel the hurt that they caused you, then they think YOU couldn't possibly feel it either; thus preventing them from empathizing enough to offer an apology.

5. Seared Conscience - Narcissists are incapable of answering to a Higher Power, when they believe they're their own higher power (don't listen to them tell you they're a christian - that's just another "image" they pretend to have); thus, they don't have a conscience to appeal to. With NOTHING or NO ONE to convict them of wrongdoing...they're "scott-free".

Subtle and Deadly

The most dangerous of all abuse is Ambient Abuse, often called “crazy-making”. It is the stealth, and subtle, underground maltreatment that sometimes goes unnoticed even by the victims themselves until it is too late. It is ambiguous and atmospheric and very hard to pinpoint or prove; hence it’s insidious and deadly effects.

Ambient Abuse is the fostering of an atmosphere of fear, intimidation, instability, unpredictability and irritation. There is no tangible evidence of abuse but the victim constantly senses a bad omen or premonition of impending doom. It is perpetrated by dropping subtle hints, by disorienting, by constant and unnecessary lying, by persistent doubting and demeaning and by inspiring an air of unmitigated gloom and doom.

Over the long term this environment eats away at the victim’s self-esteem and their self-confidence is severely damaged. Many times the victim starts to act paranoid and highly emotional, which makes them look like the mentally unstable one and the abuser is the poor suffering soul. Some examples of ambient abuse would be withholding affection or intimacy, rolling their eyes when you express an opinion or criticizing your actions “for your own good”.

Source - and more info...