Tricky, tricky...

Parental Alienation In Action Part II

Parental Alienation In Action

Empathy is Gone.

Lack of empathy is one of the most striking features of people with narcissistic personality disorder. It's a hallmark of the disorder in the same way that fear of abandonment is in borderline personality disorder.

"Narcissists do not consider the pain they inflict on others; nor do they give any credence to others' perceptions," says Dr. Les Carter in the book Enough of You, Let's Talk About Me (p. 9). "They simply do not care about thoughts and feelings that conflict with their own." Do not expect them to listen, validate, understand, or support you.

Never let a narcissist determine your self-worth. Narcissists lack empathy and the ability to validate others, so don't trust them with sensitive information or sharing important achievements because they won’t treat it with the respect it deserves.

Pity the Narcissist. Arrogance doesn't inspire sympathy or compassion. But at the end of the day, when you think about it, pity may be the only emotion evoked by someone who is so desperately in need of constant compliments, attention and validation.

Source.

Confusion is Insurance.

Victims or targets of a narcissistic personality leave the interaction, feeling Baffled, confused, and SELF BLAMING.

It is more often that a target of a narcissist will seek out therapy, often complaining to the therapist, that they suffer a general malaise and dis - ease with their lives; wondering what is WRONG with them.

As a person begins to understand the dynamics of a narcissistic personality, they begin to not only feel the relief that the problem is NOT themselves, as they've been blamed or encouraged to believe, but rather the presence of a personality disorder in the person they've been so baffled by.

With knowledge, comes POWER. The power to walk away from and establish boundaries to reclaim your identity, as narcissists are the CONSUMMATE identity thieves. Often taking what they want from a person they view as an 'OBJECT' and then leaving them in the dust and destruction of the chaos they caused in that person's life.

Source.

Sheep Attire

Often, a narcissist who is unaware or unwilling to come to terms with the mental deficiencies they possess will convince themselves that *they* are actually an Empath - someone who has an acute or highly developed sense of empathy. In actuality, a narcissist has a severe lack of empathy and is only ever attuned to their own emotions and needs, but they believe they are the expert people-readers, always expertly attuned to the emotions and needs of other people. What a narcissist is actually tuned into is the survey of vulnerability or fortitude in those around them. The narcissist only gives their emotional love to those they believe are worthy...which means to those who do not see, or confront them too deeply about the mental crimes that they commit against others. The narc can sense people who see beyond the excellent fake exterior that they work hard at portraying, and they will immediately sense the threat to their mask being revealed and start a campaign to assassinate the character of the person that they feel threatened by.

A Narc believes they have the right to other people's belongings, other people's personal liberties, and they believe they know the how and why of almost anything - especially in regards to their victims/targets. They will lie relentlessly while claiming arrogantly that their perspective is supreme and if you perspective or feelings disagree, then you need to be fixed, and they are perfect. They believe they have the right to demand from you whatever they want, while also getting off on deciphering what it is that their victim wants/needs and if they can, working to siphon off the victim's ability to have their needs or wants met. This gives them the sense of power and control they believe they have the right to have. They convince themselves that they have the right to power and control over you because they are the smarter, better, or more responsible. They work to put you down and convince *you* that you are not adequate, and they tend to victimize people who they "intuitively" glean as being easy to dominate - at least for a long enough period of time to feed the Narc's need to feed on the weaknesses of others (narc supply). Once the narc realizes that they can receive an easier or more supply of emotional and mental submission from another victim, they will discard the current victim and tell the victim that it is their fault that they are being left. Narc's never take responsibilities, and apologies are feigned and superficial, if they are ever said at all.

Why?

I have known my husband since I was 17 and he was 20. He was my best friend's high school sweetheart, and one of my favorite people on earth. In one sudden move, he broke up with my best friend and abruptly fell off the face of the earth. Years later, I finally found him --- married to the woman whom he'd left my best friend for and miserable. His wife had effectively isolated him from his family, convinced him that he was a drug addict, forced into NA, and obliterated his sense of self. He was a shell of who he used to be, his spirit was dim, and his heart was crushed. It took him eight years, but he finally shut down completely and reached levels of hopelessness that he'd never imagined. The marriage ended with his being falsely accused and wrongly convicted of domestic violence against a family member; and she took the house, the car, the kids, and any shred of dignity that she could get out of him along the way. 

This is a very short version obviously, but the pain of what he went through, paired with the pain of what she has put him through since the marriage ended is hard to describe. Physical abuse is easy to explain and prove, but emotional abuse is a devastation that can steal years of your life. These are his stories, our experience, and information we have used to help us navigate through having to withstand a true Narcissist at work.