Actions are screaming.

An alienated dad once said to me "They might hate me for a few years, but when they figure it out, they'll hate her for the rest of their lives." And that's the gamble the alienators take... that it will work out exactly like that. The fact that they don't care is so very telling...

Holy YEAH THAT SOUNDS FAMILIAR. AND HILARIOUS.

Narcissists, and other Controllers, tend to fancy themselves as the ADULTS, the GROWN UPS, the Ones In Charge, The Ones In The Know, The Ones Who Are Endowed With Natural Authority. It's just from their childhood fantasy of being accepted as one of the adults~ most children have this fantasy, but those who are fixated on dominating others and being accepted by adults tend to get stuck in this developmental stage and stay there, believing that they have some kind of innate, natural authority over other human beings, by virtue of something, anything, that they see as being a "badge" of authority (which they perceived in their youth). (Anything can be perceived as a "badge", such as height, ancestry, sex, looks, weight, job, skill, intellect, experience, material wealth, vocation, even vocal pitch and tone, or clothing. They might even use the slightest age difference as a "badge", or the kind of car they drive, or even the pets they have.)

The means.

An alienating parent attempts to outshine the other parent and diminish the target parent's role and value, not only to others but also to the child.

The narcissistic parent

In my study of mental child abuse as well as my own observations regarding my ex, I’ve noticed how prevalent it is that the child abuser is highly narcissistic.

What’s a narcissistic parent? 

It’s someone who is self-absorbed, authoritarian (watch out for their outbursts), negative, a know-it-all, never culpable or blameworthy for anything, highly critical of others, secretive, cunning and conniving, manipulative, exploitive, stingy, ungrateful, a pathological liar (twists the truth with incredible ease), envious and competitive, deaf to other’s opinions, doesn’t listen (zero empathy), brags and exaggerates, plays favorites (and it’s a rotating favorite list at that), has no boundaries, inept at basic manners, lacks a sense of humor (especially at themselves), and excels at making others feel guilty… He or she is one unhappy person (read this post on Unhappy Parents) who sucks the energy and life out of those around them.

Looking at these traits, how many of them apply to your situation? A narcissistic father or mother will have most of the traits listed.

There’s a simple reason why the more a parent brainwashes his or her own children (or dishes out any other form of abuse), the more narcissistic tendencies they have:

It takes an extremely selfish and sick parent to inflict such harm onto their own child.

Any mature parent can set aside anger or hurt from a divorce and keep their child on neutral ground by refusing to enroll them in the middle of the conflict. But a narcissistic parent will be hell-bent on minimizing or even outright destroying the child’s relationship with the ex and unable to place their child out of the emotional turmoil. They can’t do it. In fact, they will actively bring pain to their own kids. That’s how mentally sick they are.

So how do you counter these parents, and is there hope for changing them? A sobering quote:

“Trying to reform narcissists by reasoning with them or by appealing to their better nature is about as effective as spitting in the ocean.” – Halcyon.com

That has been one of my biggest frustrations with my ex, thinking that reasoning with her and letting her eventually calm down and see for herself that I’m a good Dad would temper her behavior towards our son. But it never happened, and her actions even got worse over time. The sad reality is that you can’t change the narcissist. They don’t have the self-awareness or humility to see that they’re out of control and need help. It’s deeply unfortunate, especially if your ex is the custodial parent and has ample amounts of time to transfer these narcissistic  traits onto your child.

The only recourse for you is to be a normal parent, providing needed contrast for  your child. It’s very important to insist that any behaviors in him or her that mimic your narcissistic ex are stomped out immediately. So if your child is flippant, rude, and lacking manners– and they will on many levels when they’ve been living with a narcissist– don’t tolerate it.

“The narcissist is governed by his or her feelings, the decent person is governed by his or her obligations” – Dennis Prager

Since a narcissistic parent is governed by his or her feelings, they don’t have the ability to own up to their obligations to shield their child from emotional heartache, adult issues, stories of how bad Mommy or Daddy is, etc. They will actively get the children involved in the conflict. It’s inappropriate, it’s evil, and it’s abusive.

These parents are a vortex of negative energy, and will suck the life out of those around them. Children of narcissists suffer, and they come in two camps: those that are aware of this parent’s bizarre, completely irrational behavior “Yeah, there my Mom/Dad goes again…”, or they’re not and are mentally smothered by the parent. Sadly lots of these children end up inheriting the narcissist’s traits, supporting the findings that many children of narcissistic parents become narcissists themselves.

The reality is this. Once the children become adults, the only way for them to not further suffer under the tyranny of a severely narcissistic parent is to move away from them. Creating physical separation, and thus limiting contact, from a parent might seem like a bad solution. But the alternative is to live a life of suffering. Remember, the narcissist doesn’t change. After all, he or she isn’t the wrongdoer or person with flaws… everyone else is.

Source.

Symptoms of Septics

The question came up why more fathers don't seem as outraged about their situation. I am not a man or a father but I could attempt to take a guess.....

They are beat down, feeling helpless and why not. The police won't enforce the parenting plan if your lucky enough to have one that is even remotely fair. The judges refuse to enforce it when the other parent blatantly ignores the order (that is unless you miss a child support or spousal support payment). All your family and friends are tired of hearing it and act as though its your fault you had kids with her/him. Then you add the fact that you have to work 2-3 jobs to pay for the child you never see. Lets not forget that there is no legal advice help that is of reasonable price range that can guide you. The resources out there are specifically geared for women and just try as a man to get help and you are laughed out of the office. Oh and then to fight this, get a lawyer and everything else always happen during the hours of 9-4, obviously you can not stop working or risk going to jail and as many set overs and hearing there are you are likely to get fired if you don't own your own business. Simply put its not that they are not as angry, pissed and all around irate about it, they are just TIRED and don't know where to turn.

But like I said I am just a mom,wife and step mom. I am sure most men on here are have much more then just this going on. But this is what I see and hear. Feel free to add to this.

~Anali

...

The frail truth sets claws, sinks teeth, sends a bitterness to the bone
A casualty of a deep, dark, seething pain that rots silently and acts loudly
Lashes of confused wrath, twisted in a mirror of lies, shame, secrets; frozen depths. 

Abuse will keep you stunted, but Love will cause you to flourish.

Love is 'inclusive'. 

Love protects, defends, shelters and cares. 

Love believes the best, love prefers you. 

Love never gives up on you, doesn't interrupt you, love listens to you and hears you.

Abuse is 'exclusive'. It fails to protect and defend you. 

Abuse pretends to care, but doesn't. 

Abuse does not believe the best in you, but rather, brings out the worst in you. 

Abuse talks over the top of you and doesn't ever really 'hear' you.

Abuse will make sure you are excluded and left out if you don't behave how it wants you to. Abuse is fearful and insecure, threatened by your presence.

Abuse maintains a sense of perceived power, 

   by deciding who is worthy to be inside the 'inner circle' and who will be kept out. 

Abuse withholds information and keeps secrets.

Love is inclusive, and doesn't leave others out, everybody's welcome. 

Love is secure and firm, love is not afraid. 

Love celebrates others, (not seeing one as better than another), 

   but enjoying diversity and uniqueness in all people. 

Love will maintain a sense of privacy as a boundary, but doesn't use secrecy as a weapon.

Abuse will keep you stunted, but Love will cause you to flourish.

The Female Narcissist

This is harsh..and really sad. :( My husband told me so much of this over the years, about his ex-wife, and I didn't believe it could be that bad...until I saw her in action...I didn't know human beings acted this way...but they do. Easy to hate them - but best to pray for them, sincerely pity them...it is hard to do, but keep striving...and if you have one near your life at all - GET AWAY.

The Narcissistic Relationship - Its Not You

:)

Narcissists Tactics - Divide and Conquer

There are various levels of narcissism. THIS ONE IS A DOOZIE. Off the fuckin' charts. I am still cooling off, and working on forgiving her. Not to toot my own horn, but I have always been at the top of the class when it comes to compassion and forgiveness. Until now. This is like nothing I have ever imagined before. The struggle against hating her with every fiber of my being is not as easy as reading a few Pinterest inspirational quotes, a prayer, and a refreshed perspective. I have to dig deep. Real deep. When that beautiful transformation finally happens, I am going to write a book about this. The following are essentially my notes for that book, with a lot of bitterness mixed in. Please excuse my acridity; my only defense right now is mindfulness and transparency. I pray, sincerely, that you never come across this kind of monster in your life...Meet our resident narcissist:

For years, this woman drove my husband to madness with her insanity. He has not had regular visitation with his children since the Fall of 2011 - coming up on three years. There are TROVES of information, stories, and insights to be shared - but that's a book-worth. So for now, we'll start at the beginning of the end.

She insisted that if he wanted to see the children, he would need to meet with her alone - no lawyer, no parents, no wife, no recording devices, and no written agreement. There was a reason she refused to offer mutual accountability - because accountability would require decency, respect, honesty, and transparency - all things she CLAIMS are valuable to her, but the reality is they are as far from her as the East is from the West. My husband was finally able to win his request by court order - she was legally forbidden to contact him outside of written communication. Let the narcissistic rage begin...I mean, continue...

She had tried in various ways to get around this. She was accustomed to receiving her "Narc Supply" through controlling my husband and demanding that he comply with her whims, and when he wouldn't, she would withhold the children from him. She always had some kind of reason...that's another post for another day. She is very good at creating a trap and hiding behind the "well-being" and "safety" of the children. Who could fault a mother for protecting her children? It's a great schtick and she knows it, and she is still riding that lie for all it is worth. If you ever saw the list we've compiled of the various reasons for withholding visitation, and requirements for allowing it - you would either roar with laughter or completely disbelieve it. Thing is, we have the documentation from her, for about 90% of it. It's all true. It's all sick. It's all based on one thing: A morbid need for complete control. For more information on why a Narc needs to control the way they do, read this.

On this particular day, she was claiming the children had, again, received lice from our house.

Two weeks prior, the children apparently had lice when they came home from visitation at our house. Her son told us (later) that he had already had gotten it at school, and before they ever came to our house. Strangely enough, no one in our house got it - not even my five year old son, who slept in their beds from time to time when they were not there. She sent us a text message informing us that they had "received lice from our house", and so we checked everyone, treated all bedding, toys, and rugs anyways, and went on about our life. Lice cannot thrive without a human host for more than 48 hours.

They picked the kids up, packed in the car, but instead of drive away, she returns to knock on the door. When my husband answers, she angrily tells him that Mia has lice again, and that he needs to come outside she she can teach him how to find the lice. He politely said no, and asked that she shoot him an email and pictures, if she wanted to.

Now --- if this was a normal human being, it would be a totally reasonable thing for my husband to go outside. This is not a normal human being at all. This is someone who routinely attempts to trample the personal liberty and rights of others. This is someone who routinely exploits, abuses, lies, and creates unbelievably horrific drama. This is someone who threatened to demand the police put out an Amber Alert for her children if I drove them across a street, instead of walked. (I know that you won't believe that one. That's almost so completely insane, no one in their right mind would believe it, lol. But I have it all documented - her own words!) This is someone who has had my husband charged and convicted of completely false domestic violence so that she could have it in place should he challenge anything about the impending divorce proceedings. She was involved in an extra-marital affair at the time - something my husband never did, but was endlessly accused of (classic Narc behavior). She was sure to let her entire family, his entire family, and all of her friends know just how unfaithful her (actually faithful) husband was. Even more shocking: My husband, after several years of being falsely accused to the point of literal insanity, actually ended up fabricating two people and "admitting" to speaking to them about sex in a way not appropriate for a married man. He hoped that if he just confirmed the accusation, they would be able to confront it and move on with their lives - since no other option would work. This is how intense the onslaught of stress is from a delusional narcissist with true clinical Morbid Jealousy. As it was, it didn't solve anything. It was hugely gratifying for her, and she continues - to this day - to tout how awful and abusive my husband was to her, and how he "cheated" on her...by talking to other women about sex...which never actually happened...it's nauseating how crazy this shit can get.

One of the narc's greatest tools is to create situations that are so unbelievable to the psychologically sane world, that no one would believe their victim anyways. This is why it is absolutely imperative to record everything on paper, or on video any and every time you can. I cannot stress that enough. Even looking proof in the face, the narc will defy sanity - but the proof is helpful for outside parties.

One evening, she came home with a drug test she had purchased to have my husband (her husband at the time, obviously) take, because she was convinced that he was again, addicted to "drugs", (he was admittedly quite fond of smoking pot), and in need of intense therapy from church, counselors, and Narcotics Anonymous. He had not smoked pot in over a year at that point. She stood in the bathroom with him while he took the test. The test showed that he was negative for any drugs. Are you sitting down? Good. Her response? You cheated the test. I know you are a drug addict. 

Did you catch all that? She purchased a drug test, without his knowledge. Surprised him with it, and never left his side - to the point of insisting she be IN the bathroom - like a fucking parole officer - while he took it. She watched him take it. She watched the results form. And somehow, in that lucky little mind of hers - he cheated the test. (Don't laugh, that would be rude.)

The delusion goes deep, people. You can't make this stuff up. (Of course, according to her, my husband can! HE is the person suffering from mental illness! -- Oh, wait --- it's me, my husband's new wife who is mentally ill.) Read: Anyone who doesn't comply with her is mentally ill.

She was always very meticulous and calculated about how she did all of her dirt, to include things like carefully chosen wording in the emails she would send in the time between the alleged assault and the court date. She knew that it would simply be his word against hers, and she formatted her emails to reflect the "truth" of her claims. At one point in time, she had scrawled all over the walls, backs of pictures, even the mantle of their home "If anything happens to me, my husband did it." It gets complicated, but that's the short of it. This kind of unpredictable, dangerous, careless, criminal behavior was simply part of how she operated all the time. She had eroded any shred of trust, and his decision to stay inside and not engage in verbal (unrecorded) communication with her proves to be a wise one, because it became very clear, very quickly that they were not at all there for the "good of the children", rather they were looking for trouble.

When he said no, her rage doubled. Her voice got more shrill, her tone more angry, and she began to yell at my husband, who then began to yell back and tell her that she had no right to being there, and she needed to exit the premises with no further delay. Her husband also re-approached the back door, and also began to yell at my husband to come out of the house.

She and her husband think they have the right to come up to our door, demand that my husband come outside, and when he does not comply, they tell us that they will refuse to leave our property. It's that simple. Even law enforcement has to leave your house if you tell them to leave.

Please, please explain where it is you got your personal constitution from, because it's clear to everyone that isn't duped by your narcissistic mask that you got that shit from The Crazy Box.

We are quite clear on the speciousness that Tweedle Dee lives in and operates from - but you, Bootlicker...we had hope for you. Silly us. We learned quickly just how well-paired the two of them are. They were asked to leave, no less than thirty times, they refused, and instead her "strong, wise, excellent example of a father for her children" puffs up his chest in defiance and challenged the man of the house to "assault" him --- while the children are inches from them.

Literally, this horse's ass got in my husband's face and repeated like an idiot, "What are you gonna do? You gonna assault me? You gonna assault me? Go ahead!" This wasn't a tough guy thing either - this is the overgrown-man child-geek type with a voice that sounds like it's stuck in a big jar of dweeb, trying to show his new wife just how big of a man he is. The Ultimate Protector of Your Ego! (Psychologically referred to as "sycophant".)

And she - equal parts lunatic and dolt - probably felt so special in the moment, deluding herself to think that these two men had their hair on end and their voices raised because of her magnanimous beauty. In her warped mind, this was a territorial fight over all that glitters - her. She would completely fabricate my husband's envy, and regularly attempt to "taunt" my husband with her new Supply, speaking to him as if he should feel threatened, less than, and jealous of her new "man". We always felt slightly embarrassed for her in those moments. It was clear that my husband preferred corresponding with her Bootlicker (until these shenanigans, where it was all too clear he was just as unhinged as she is) --- but true to form, the plain facts in front of her face were no comparison for the delusion she had of just how desirable she really is, and what the world would do to belong in the good graces of her kingdom. After all, she left him - one of her favorite sticking points to prove her bent perspective. (Psychologically, we call that the discard of the narcissist, when they finally drain their Supply dry and there is a need for fresh blood.)

Children? What children? It's all about her, and petting her ego! She will never admit it, but her actions give her away: She lived for this. This was it. This was her favorite part of her sickness - the chaos and power she has to take away the peace and autonomy of those closest to her. No thoughts of the children occupied her mind in those moments; in her mind, she was being glorified, and she felt alive.

Sick, right? This is a part that I don't think even she understands. In her mind, if everyone would just comply with her demands, everything would be perfectly peaceful. It's those who do not comply with her demands that are the ones who are "sick" and "selfish". She's an innocent component in all of it, of course, just trying to be a good mother who loves her precious little children. She lives in that very small space of irreality where she can't think too deeply, lest her darker motives are revealed unto herself or anyone else. To imply that she is unfair, selfish, or not looking out for the children is Just Preposterous and silly, and the thought is so ridiculous to her sensitivities that it just will not be entertained. Come back to her when you feel like being mature...and complying with her demands. And so the insanity goes, and what a circus it is...

My husband is a gentle man, and you wouldn't believe what he withstood at her hands for the years of their marriage; he should be sainted for it - no exaggeration. But if you cross him, threaten his property or his family, he is a force to be reckoned with - his spine is no longer under foot. (Her friends like to refer to my husband as "The Pussy".) When the Bootlicker / Puppet / Flying Monkey refused to back up from my husband's face and exit the property as he'd been repeatedly asked / told / screamed at, my husband shoved him several feet back and square on his ass. That's not assault. That's what Virginia calls OUR RIGHT. Are you taking notes, Tweedle? Because most of us understood these things long before our mid-thirties. 

At some point, I responded to their dramatic taunts to "assault" them by reminding them that Virginia is a Castle State. No one said anything about killing her, or firearms, or any other ridiculous thing. It wouldn't even occur to me to take her life or threaten as much. 

What the Castle State reference means, since she was so unclear, is this: We are allowed to defend our home against unwanted intruders with reasonable force. It's simple stuff. The officers on the scene that day made very clear to us that we were well within our right to shove either one of them if they had been asked to leave and continued to approach us or otherwise get near us. They also made very clear to both of them that, in no uncertain terms, they were to immediately get in their vehicles and leave the property. They were actually escorted by law enforcement off the property. I'd love to hear where  she put her self-proclaimed superior maturity at that moment...'cause all that superior cognition (lol) doesn't seem to be working too well for you, now does it?

(We are also legally protected from verbal communication with this person because of the criminal audacity she demonstrated for years - despite what she tells herself and friends.) 

How is that not clear? How is that "threatening to kill her in front of the children"? Did she, even once, consider the circus she and her sidekick put on "in front of the children"? 

There is a story, hidden in the archives of the Dramatic Times at Narcmont High, of a time when we needed something from her, while we were at her residence. The cops were involved there as well. I'll save that for another edit or another time...or maybe just the book. 

Anyways...

As they were screaming at us, on our own porch, refusing to leave, the poor kids are standing there, confused and overwhelmed. No one was paying any mind to them, except me. I came off my porch, motioned for the children to come AWAY from the screaming match, and back up to their mother's car.

Their mother - The Narc of All Narcs - Tweedle Dee - Lady Vader - was beside herself with fury at this, and unbeknownst to me followed me up the driveway, inches from my back. As the children approached the car, she came around me and shoved her body up against mine and put her face down to mine and growled "you stay away from my children" --- ah, there it is...your real fear, straw man, it's SHOWING!

God forbid your children develop intimate relationships with people who understand that you aren't the deity that you have them believing you are. God forbid they aren't worshipping you (or your winning mother) full time. Because really, if you can't see how clearly you have disregarded their well-being outside of your control, you are FUCKING BLIND. You have raped those children - taken from them the most innocent and pure love they have which BELONGS TO THEM, NOT YOU.

So don't ever call ME the "sick psycho" because I have the fucking cojones to call your ass out, and expect to be taken seriously at all. I don't tolerate child abuse, and I don't care how magnificent your mask is to your fans. All they have is what you tell them. I have seen, first hand, over and over and over again, you rip those children to pieces methodically for your own deplorable insecurities. We won't even get into how you tried with all your might to rip my husband down to bow before you, and raged with the calmness of a sociopath for years because he wouldn't lick your boots like the "man" you have now.

I know how much you hate that I have the emails and text messages to prove it. You are SO CRAZY that you couldn't even keep it out of writing. All that make-up, all those pretty clothes, all the stories and lies, all the meticulous mask-making - it is disassembled in seconds if they were to really see what goes on. And it's no longer your ex-husband's words against yours. Getting a court order to have no verbal contact was the best thing we ever did for those children, who will one day be able to read it all themselves so they can see exactly how you extracted their father and their siblings from their lives. 

She is 10 inches taller than me, and weighs significantly more than I do, and she was challenging me to fight her - bonus: knowing that I was pregnant. I pushed her off of me and immediately dialed 911. As I am talking to the operator, she starts screaming SHE ASSAULTED ME, DID YOU SEE THAT? DID YOU SEE THAT MICHAEL? DID YOU SEE THAT MIA? This insane bitch calls out to her own children to endorse her manipulative delusions, who are paralyzed in confusion and fear while she rages and tries to figure out how she is going to get herself out of this little pickle. It's sad how unsurprised we all are. 

She claimed later that the children HEARD me say that I would kill her, and that they SAW me grab her face. 

This is scary because I did not say that, nor did I do that. So, if it is true that the kids said this, doesn't that raise HUGE red flags for her, AS THEIR LOVING, CARING MOTHER? So, let me get this straight - you and I both know that I never touched your face nor did I threaten to kill you - but you go to sleep at night knowing that not only are YOU a pathological liar, but you have actively sought to FILL THE MINDS OF YOUR CHILDREN WITH DELUSIONS AS WELL.

Did you, even once, consider how much damage you do when you tell an 8 and 9 year old that their stepmother has physically attacked you, and threatened to take your life? Do the weight of those statements on the hearts and minds of your children matter to you? And how about the weight of the fact that they are LIES you are asking your children to process as truth? DOES THIS SOUND LIKE "LOVE" and "PROTECTION" to you???? If it isn't clear for you, that is unequivocal abuse and manipulation of your own children. 

Seriously, how do you live with that? How do you wake up everyday and walk outside and greet the world feeling whole at all? What mechanism is it inside of you that allows you to single-handedly destroy your children, and be so oblivious to it that onlookers eyes bleed just trying to comprehend how that is possible? How do you not crawl around inside of your clothes in private shame of your public guilt? How do you not feel compelled almost every second of everyday to do anything possible to restore as much as you can of what you have destroyed in the hearts of your children? Is it because you speak sweetly to them so they have no idea just how little they mean to you? Because you don't impose bruises on their skin? Do you really think that what you are doing to them mentally and emotionally is a better abuse? Is it because you believe that you are really good enough at what you do that you can eliminate their God-given right to a father that loves them? Or is it really boiled down to cold, hard psychopathy that has no comprehension of reality and, without conscience or consideration, blames anyone and everything else?

After this circus took place, we were counseled by law enforcement to send them written notification that they are not to enter the property for any reason. They suggested to have the children dropped off in front of our house, at the county school bus stop for the elementary students. Note the following:

• Two hours after receiving the certified Do Not Trespass notice, Child Protective Services received a phone call, detailing alleged drug use in the home, domestic abuse in our marriage, child abuse against my five year old son, my "three or four" Facebook accounts, and the god-awful presence of --- a hookah on display. O.o We were investigated by the state, and our home was found to be a very stable, solid home for all of our children. Her claims were deemed invalid, the case was closed, and the entire file on the case was sent to me, per my request. 
• The following scheduled visitation, she refused to deliver the children for the following reasons (stated by her, via text message):
• Her life was threatened in front of the children (false)
• Her car was broken down, but she would not allow my husband or myself to drive the children
• The place where we had instructed them to park and deliver the children from was "on a dangerous highway" and we had no consideration for the "safety of the children". Yes. The bus stop. It wasn't safe enough for her children.
• Our house is unsafe and unclean, and infested with lice...see what she did there? 

We're pretty sure she was drunk, because she was begging my husband to tell the children that they were all still a family and they all still loved each other. She also begged him to come to her house and fix her car...knowing that my husband has zero car knowledge, and also having her current husband who she'd indicated was very good with cars. Bullshit on all levels, I'm sure - but that's never stopped her before! 

When she drunk texts, her secret desire for the love and approval of my husband is more clear...she never could figure out why it died shortly into their marriage, and she wanted nothing more to know that somewhere inside of him, he loved her. I may sound like the haughty new wife, but I am not like her. I remain friends with all of my exes, I respect the loves of the past, and it wouldn't bother me a bit if he did have a proverbial memory box of her which he held dear. In fact, I am deeply saddened that he doesn't have that because it was such a huge part of his life. My love is truly for him, and it doesn't demand that he annihilate all others from his heart. Her actions, on the other hand, did demand it --- long before I came into the picture.

Imagine a small glass bottle of sand. Now imagine the entirety of all the oceans of the world crashing down upon that bottle; even the glass would be smashed into unrecognizable sand. He never loved her. He thought he loved the mask she presented, but before he realized exactly the monster he was involved with, he was married. His values are rock solid and he would have stayed to his death, because he was raised that way. The marriage wasn't about how he felt, it was about his commitment. His love for his children, and profound desire to provide for them as he had been provided for kept his heart beating.

In her mind, his devotion was about her and how worthy she is. She has never, not even once, recognized these incredible traits in my husband. She never looked at him, she never knew him,  and she had no idea how completely empty his heart was for her or why. She would never understand a love so pure. (We suspect that's why she married the 40 year old virgin, with deep seated mommy-issues, the inability to grow facial hair without looking homeless, and a strange tendency to wear T-shirts that expose his oh-so-sexy tummy.) She once told my husband that she really appreciated how unattractive her husband is because she liked being the better looking partner, and wouldn't have to be so worried about other women all the time, as she was in her first marriage.

Do you see yet how she takes her wants, fears, and agenda, places it on the children, and demands that my husband comply --- and when he doesn't do exactly as she asks, he is then told that he does not love his children, and only cares about hating her. Interesting. And so transparent to the sane.

One of the common accusations from her was that I would "throw a fit" if I didn't get my way. I really should start counting and bullet point the projections she constantly shit from her mouth. It always boggled my mind that she couldn't see how obvious she was. At least try a little bit harder to be smooth about your psycho; I mean, really. What she really meant is that I do not comply with the insane whims of a sociopath, and I should be leashed and shamed for not recognizing her birthright to be in control of our household. Uh-huh.

You see, she believes that the children belong to her, and not to their father. She believes she is smarter, safer, and superior to my husband. She believes the children are actually extensions of her - like an arm or a leg. She does not understand that the children belong to their father just as much as they do to her (on all levels, to include legal joint custody). When the children are with their father, they are only parts of herself on loan to him. Parts of herself that are more vital than air because she has raised them to need her to the point of worship. And she needs their unadulterated worship to feel valid, to feel real, to feel alive. They are her purest Narcissistic Supply. Even the thought of the threat that they may gain a sense of autonomy outside of her filters shakes her to her core, and she lashes out with these unhinged behaviors - aiming her vitriol at any perceived threat, and creating utter chaos around the children so that she is the sole provider of "peace, love and tranquility" in their lives.

Mick, the 9 year old, once went home and told her a lie, claiming that I had tried to trick him by plugging the power strip into itself, so that when he charged his cell phone, it would not work. When we realized he had done this, I can't describe the heartbreak we felt. Mick was entangled in true Parental Alienation, and he was puppeteering for his mother, and he couldn't really be blamed for his confusion. He was bringing her "dead mice". Deep inside themselves is the Truth, an awareness of who she is, and that her love is conditional and they know what it looks like when she no longer loves you. She once bragged that this was their undying "loyalty" to her. God, I can hardly type that without feeling overwhelmed with horrible sadness. Mick later apologized for lying about that and said he really didn't understand why he'd said such a thing. It was just awful.

She believes she has every right to dictate to us the rules of our house, and how it should be run because her children are to live under her rule, and they are never to know the outside world, unless it is through her. It's very sick...and sad. Those children will have a lot of work to do when they grow up to undo as much damage as they can so they can live with a true understanding of their individuality and personal rights. Those rights have been taken from them at an age too young to understand and fight back. 

She may be smart enough to fool some (and I question the intelligence quotient of anyone in that category, honestly), but she is one of the least intelligent manipulators I've ever come across. Her achilles heel is believing that no one really sees what she is doing. For years, she got away with her games and cruelty. And her mental illness grew and grew and now - it's too big for its britches. She maims the most innocent while thinking that the Truth will never come to call. That is the very definition of sociopath: a person with a personality disorder manifesting itself in extreme antisocial attitudes and behavior and a lack of conscience.

She calls herself a loving, rational, selfless, mature mother who puts her children above all else. My heart is actually moved to compassion when I think of the possibility that she really may be unaware of how frighteningly huge the gap between reality and her reality really are. It renders the Grand Canyon to a teaspoon. Despite my husband vehemently disagreeing with me, I can't help but think that she is actually a very scared, small child inside who only longs to love and be truly loved.

(Another thing we heard so CONSTANTLY from her "Why don't you put your CHILDREN first instead of hating me?" --- Classic Narc Tao: THE PROJECTION IS DEAFENING.)

You can tell your mama, your brothers, your friends, and your kids whatever you think will make your little plan work, but at the end of the day, only you and me know the truth. And you know in your cold, empty, reprehensibly selfish heart what you put your kids through, for your own sick "gain".

The next time we saw the kids, we sat down and talked about this incident as a family. We asked them if they "saw" me hurt or hit their mommy, and they were very clear and relaxed about saying that the did NOT see that - only that everyone was yelling and they were very confused. We made very clear that no matter what kind of disagreements the adults are having right now, that I would never hit or hurt their mother. You know, we reassured them with some TRUTH - something that is an apparent rare commodity in their mother's home, head, and heart. SAD SHIT.

In court, this story turned into that I - wait for it - GRABBED HER FACE with the nails of my hands and cut her cheek, and screamed into her face while doing this. (Let's not forget to mention the open sores she had ALL OVER HER FACE - closet meth addict? That would give you at least HALF an excuse to be as delusional as you are.)

No part of my body touched her face at all that day. Believe me, it was legal for me to physically come at her, considering the circumstances, but THE CHILDREN WERE STANDING RIGHT THERE. If they had not been, I would have gladly given her what she was looking for. But as it was, she had no story, there was no assault on my part, so she fabricated it. Gladly. Gleefully. IN FRONT OF THE CHILDREN. My mind still can't wrap around that. I'm sure she clings to her lies for dear life, and I wonder if she actually believes them at this point.

And if you are reading, mark my words: You ever come on my property and show your ass in front of my children and step-children again, you will regret it more that time than you do this time.

They marched themselves self-righteously to the county magistrate and lied without conscience or care - right in front of the children.

The court dates were doled out. And you won't believe it, but...

They ditched not one, but two court dates. Most people know that if you fail to show up at a court date, a bench warrant for your arrest is issued.

Because of their (clearly displayed) audacity, willingness to break the law, and lie to all levels of law enforcement, we routinely had a peace officer present to meet us when we exchanged the children. The officers ask for the names of both parties, and the vehicles of both parties when the request is made for their presence. This was not a new occurrence. Can you guess what happens next?

The female counterpart of this dynamic duo was arrested on-site for FAILURE TO APPEAR at her court date. Cuffed, and put in the back of a police cruiser, booked, and jailed.

BOOM. If you didn't taste your own karma just DRIPPING down your throat in those moments, you don't know your ass from your face. I hope that stung. All those years spent trapping my husband in your twisted reality, that false conviction you got on my husband, and all of your attempts to create your fucking disgusting narcissistic chaos in all of our lives with the children being your primary victims...I hope you could taste it all. Your evil was never more clear than in your eyes that day as you shot looks of death out the back of the window, twisting reality around in your mind as fast as you possibly could to make yourself out to be the victim, and your children to be in danger, and their loving father to be your oppressor. But the truth of the matter was right there, in silver cuffs around your nasty little law-breaking wrists. And it was a sweet moment for the man you ravaged with your covert, abusive hell all those years.

There's something to be said for it when Karma herself allows the true victim to witness a reckoning so visceral. You always thought you were above the law. Morally superior. How shocked you must have been to find yourself FINALLY restrained by no other action than YOUR OWN. Are you woman enough to own that, even for one second of your powerless, facade of a life? 

Laughably, but true to form for this family, her mother frantically calls my husband's parents and leaves a message, explaining that WE HAD HER ARRESTED. Oh. Is that how it works? Nice try. No buy. She was arrested for her own actions, and the consequences of behaving like an unhinged psychopath - but you go ahead and keep telling yourself that Mike is the one to blame for all of her issues. As for your mother --- I'll read her ass on another post --- stay tuned.

Let's be very clear here about the truth of at least some of your lies: This complete circus of bullshit is your way of dealing with your morbid, bottomless pit of darkness that seethes from deep within your being. You are, in no way, a victim. You are, in every way, a psychopath. 

• You were not abused. You were (and are) the abuser. 
• You were not EVER cheated on by my husband. You cheated on him and you seem to think he had no idea. Humility is a tricky thing, huh? 
• You were never struck in front of your son. You fell backwards trying to assault my husband, and your fat ass broke the porch railing. (My words, not his --- don't you just love his kindness??)
• Your life was never threatened by me or my husband.
• You were never assaulted by my husband or myself. EVER. In fact, you have assaulted BOTH OF US on the occasions you claim it was actually YOU who was assaulted. (Funny how that projection, revisionist thinking just follows you everywhere! You've even called US the revisionists, lol. You just can't stop, won't stop, will you?) 
• Your daughter did not have lice that day. Your children had lice two weeks previous BEFORE THEY ARRIVED - as told to us by your son. (Kids say the darndest things!)
• My husband is not a porn addict, nor does he have a single erectile issue. You are just a horrible, cold, rabidly insecure female with zero inspired passion in bed, and a penchant for beating the living shit out of your husband's ego, accomplishments, and efforts --- all things that lay bare a perfect path to escaping into the arms of a dirty whore on a magazine page or in a video, who shows your husband more affection and appreciation than you ever have or will. You never could add that up though, could you? I can't get him to even look at porn right now because he's fully satisfied, loved, and busy LIVING LIFE - something that was forbidden in the household that you ran.
• My husband is not a drug addict, nor does he have any other addiction issues. I'd like to see what happens to you if someone locked you in a fucked up cage for years on end, isolated you from everyone and everything you love, and systematically beat every speck of light they could find out of you until you were nothing but a limp, lump of Narc Supply. Another equation that never crosses your mind, I'll bet. 
• My husband is not unsafe to be a father. The same cannot be said for you.
• My son is not unfortunate to have been born to me. 
• We do not have or do drugs in our home. 
• Our home is a safe, loving environment for our children. The same cannot be said for you. 
• There has never been domestic abuse in our relationship. (Honestly, where the hell did that come from? Just a little bonus bullshit for effect? I mean, really.)
• I have never abused my son. The same cannot be said for you.
• I will not make my husband's life hell. The same cannot be said for you.

Shall I go on? What was that about the Dunning-Kruger effect? The thing about me is that I actually always underestimate myself, and I am extremely well-versed in my own mental incapacities. You don't have that edge. You should read up on that fun little projection again. 

Since your chaos has been out of his life, my husband's blood pressure has come down to normal levels, his seizures have disappeared, and his blood sugar levels are manageable and more stable than ever. You think you know so much about how his disease works, yet all you did was create an environment of pressure, stress, and utter terror in his soul - HUGE NO-NO'S FOR DIABETICS. Did it ever occur to you that YOU actually were a huge factor in the "denial" you claim my husband has about his disease? It wasn't denial, it wasn't candy bars, it wasn't carbs. IT WAS YOU.

And while we're on the subject, your shitty online review of my husband's medication, THREE YEARS AFTER YOU WERE SEPARATED, could not have been more false or off-base. His mood swings weren't due to his sugars, THEY WERE DUE TO YOU. He is one of the LEAST moody people I've ever met, and he makes me proud everyday with how much effort he puts into the horrible disease that he deals with. I'll be damned if you exploit his health ever again. You are a cold, callous, arrogant female who treated a good, kind, and tender-hearted man like a worthless tool to be used and controlled. If you hate men so much, why don't you just come out of the closet and be the lesbian that you really are, as advertised all over the internet? There's no shame in being homosexual. Did you ever thank my husband for being a shoulder to cry on when your girlfriend dumped you, after just a couple of months? (That's so Catholic of you!) I'm sorry if your bigot-ass family has created this monster in you, but you really should get in touch with yourself and do something about it. Much better option than dragging good-natured men through your hell of gender or sexual confusion. But I digress.

Your mother's comment about that was just precious by the way. The entire family was astonished by her insight and class. You know, he isn't going to live very long. He needs to learn how to take care of himself; you shouldn't have to take care of him. We see exactly where you get it from. She has exactly zero compassion for the very real struggles he faces on a daily basis, but she feels she has every right to assess without information, judge his very personal affairs, and deem him close to his own death. AWESOME GENES YOU HAVE THERE, you fucking classless assholes!

You are not the GODDESS OF DIABETIC KNOWLEDGE. In fact, your management of taking care of his health was an utter failure, no matter how much you convince yourself that it's about how many Snickers bars he ate, or how often he tested and reported back you. (By the way, your amazing cooking was less than stellar for a diabetic as well. You know, with all the processed boxed foods you loved to "cook".) How about that time you grabbed his insulin pump from his body and threw it across the room, causing it to malfunction later and send him to the hospital in a near-heart attack? Without a single doubt, had he continued to stay with you and endured years more of your tyranny and covert abuse, he would have died very young. You were well on your way to sending him straight to a heart attack. Sadly, this would probably remain true of even a healthy, non-diabetic person. You've earned the nickname Biohazard well.

I remember something you said to my husband in one of the scathing, backwards emails where you were speaking to yourself, but directing it at my husband: Don't fool yourself into thinking this is not a violence to our family. Does that ring a bell for you? Your delusions have ruined you for a very long time. And if you, for even one second, think that what you have done to your children is not a VIOLENCE TO THEIR SOULS, you are wrong.

Cause and effect is a powerful thing. I know that in my life, when I have done very bad things to people, I have lost very dear things to me, and recognized that the powers that be had returned my own actions and words to me. Are you capable of that kind of spiritual responsibility? Or do you only listen to what edifies your delusions?

You should be very careful when you start insulting someone else's womb. You should be very careful when you speak with dissent regarding someone else's fertility. You should be very careful about surreptitiously taking away the dignity and rights of your own children. You should be very careful about whether you are celebrating a new life, or exploiting it in attempts jar the emotions of others. When you insult someone else's womb, and use your children as weapons - have you considered exactly how that might come back down on your head?

You may think that you can hide well behind everyday actions that seem innocuous enough, but know that you have been found out. Your motives are unclean, at best. For as much as I can see inside of your sick world, I can barely see a thing - how scary is that? The universe sees it all --- and if you aren't already clear on it, she takes no prisoners.

Your empire of lies will continue to fall around you. Your malicious attempts to hurt your children will be your demise. Know this. And fight it all you want. THE TRUTH WILL PREVAIL - and that goes all the way back through the twisted excuse for a marriage you had with my husband. It is me who has been cleaning up your mess and showing him what a woman really is, and that love isn't malice with a mask on. And when your children figure out exactly how badly you disfigured their childhood, and WHY you chose to do that with their lives, I would not want to be you.

They purchased themselves counsel, at that point, to defend them against the truth of their actions. Sad part is, they lied to their lawyer too, which was painfully clear in the court proceedings.

Will someone please explain to these poor souls what JUSTICE and HONESTY is and how it works, in life and the court system? Do not lie TO YOUR LAWYER for the love of pete! You are paying money for a necessary defense - don't send him in there unarmed with huge blind spots. Really??? Were you just looking for a way to waste your money?? These are people with children, drivers licenses, and professional jobs here. You would think they would understand basic math - but clearly, they do not.

The judge didn't buy the bullshit, either. Every lie they tried to have us convicted with was dropped due to lack of evidence and believability.

They were each granted a pretty, brand new conviction that day: Both of them found guilty of trespassing (A Class 1 misdemeanor) and fined $50.

They had a lawyer. We did not. Their lawyer was defeated by civilians. Part of me wonders if he was pissed off at them for making him a fool in the courtroom, so he gave them terrible legal advice and told them to APPEAL. Or maybe he thought the 911 tapes would prove that we were the ones lying? So he pulled those for the next court date...but he filed the appeal before doing that. Not real bright, homeskillet. The TRUTH is on the tapes too. You aren't defending the truth - but they had you convinced there for a second, didn't they?

We showed up for the final court date with the higher court, circuit court. The Commonwealth Attorney listened to the 911 tapes, and gave them two options:

1 - Take their case before the very respectable judge that was in today - who would not look kindly upon drama and lies in the courtroom, and the sentence given would not be light if we were, again, able to prove that they were, in fact, trespassing. And their chances weren't even slim - they were none, and everyone (except, perhaps, her completely delusional ass) knew it.

OR

2 - Accept the plea deal - guilty of violating a custody order - a class 3 misdemeanor and fined $500 with $400 suspended.

It was the only smart move they made. They took the plea deal. And they looked FURIOUS about it. Tweedle Dee did her best stone face as she walked by, and her poor sycophant husband was verbally fuming as he walked by. We couldn't even laugh they were both just so pitiful through the entire thing. They walked into the courtroom, sat in the back, and waited to accept their sentences - once again. We never entered the courtroom, and walked out to enjoy a lunch together, while they stayed and waited to finally accept the consequences of their actions.

So, Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum. How do your lies taste now? How about all that money spent on your lawyer and the court fines? How did that childish and self righteous behavior work for you? Do you still think you had the right to plant your circus on our back porch? Was it a goal you had to get new convictions on your record for your one year anniversary? Did you really think you were going to get away with this kind of bullshit again? And you have the audacity to say to my husband that *I* am going to make *his* life hell? Hahaha. LOOK AT WHAT YOU HAVE BROUGHT YOUR BOOTLICKER INTO?! Kinda smells like hell, doesn't it? Oh, your projection gives you away so very hard.

I will never address you as a woman and a man, or as a husband and a wife. Both of you bring disgrace to all four of those titles. You make a mockery of a woman, and a wife. 

You're lucky that the rest of your unconscionable behavior isn't being taken before a court of law. I hope this radical display of narcissistic glory works for you somehow, because your children are the ones paying the price. And we are keenly aware of just how much you do. not. care. 

We have asked over and over again to have both families engage in counseling. (My husband asked you to go to counseling with him, and despite you saying you would do "anything" to work on and save your marriage, counseling was just one thing you wouldn't do. You told him that you didn't have any issues, you didn't need counseling, that if he would just work out his issues, your marriage would be perfect. LOL) We shouldn't have been so surprised when we asked for counseling this time, came the reply from your "brilliant" Bootlicker: I don't think any counseling is necessary. Maybe you should get counseling to learn how to treat my wife with respect and we wouldn't have any problems. 

You could cut the delusion with a knife. The kids will be glad to know that instead of try to see a professional that could help everyone co-exist, you would rather keep your delusional dignity in tact. You wouldn't even allow JUST THE CHILDREN to attend counseling with their father, who continued to seek an intimacy and balance with his own children. I'm not sure you could be more unhinged and in need of psychological help.

Best wishes growing up together, or continuing on the low road together, as it seems you're doing. You both look unbelievably stupid and sick enough to be behind bars, if emotional abuse could receive sentences. Happy projections! We await your karma - because this entire event is only a SLIVER of the real crimes against humanity you have exacted on your children, alone. If you can somehow re-write your story so that it allows you to sleep a single wink of sleep, you should really consider how much of a complete psychopath you really are - and that should scare the absolute hell out of you, or anyone else who understands exactly what kind of malicious, evil human being you really are.

We will continue to live our lives, PSYCHOPATH FREE, and pray for all of our children. We will sleep soundly at night, knowing that we have done everything in our power to help rescue those children from your wrath. We will never run from the truth. We will never lie to our children. We do not hurt our children. We will never live in fear of your crazed, erratic extrapolations and exploits. And we will never partake in ripping those two precious children in half so that your sickness can be fed.

We have a home filled with more love and peace than we know what to do with. And what's more - we had a ton of love to give to YOU. We had a ton of love to show to your children. And I, personally, was looking forward to doing things with your children, like perusing your Pinterest and helping them plan surprises for you on various appropriate holidays. Giving your daughter tips on how to find the perfect dress or pair of shoes for you when she wanted to buy her mommy something nice. Giving your son an extra ear to listen, or shoulder to lean on in times of trouble.

But that's not what you want for your children. THIS is what you want for them.

That. Speaks. Volumes.

Parental Alienation In Action Part II

Parental Alienation In Action

Bow or Pay.

After the breakup & triangulation, psychopaths feel an immense amount of superiority. This is when they’re at their best—glowing with energy as they watch you fall from grace. It’s what they live for. She puts her newest target on display because she wants you to know about him. She’s waiting for your reaction. And if you don’t react, she will invent a reason to talk to you. Often times, psychopaths will use pointless requests as an excuse to get your attention. For example, returning an article of clothing or a DVD; something that any normal person would just forget about.

Once she has your attention, she will adopt a calm, patronizing demeanor. Talking down to you as if she’s somehow the relationship guru because she’s happy and you’re single. The whole conversation will take on a very arrogant, “I’m-in-charge” sort of attitude. After the breakup, she’s obsessed with being the calm & superior person: The winner.

She will minimize everything that happened, warning you not to create any drama. Instead of apologizing for her abusive behavior and now-obvious cheating, she makes sweeping statements explaining that breakups are just difficult. She depersonalizes the experience and speaks down to you as if she pities you. She uses this pseudo-pleasantry to come across as the bigger person. She will wish you all the best, playing it all off casually. She will make it seem as if this was just an everyday breakup.

If you don’t allow her the post-breakup superiority routine, she will become extremely unpleasant. She does not want to talk about her infidelity or lies. She wants you to idolize her in your memory. And remember how she gave you the silent treatment for days at the end of your relationship? Well, she still expects prompt responses from you—otherwise you’re bitter & jealous.

If you feel like punching a wall by this point, you’re in good company.

Source. 

I read these to my husband, and ask if this sounds familiar to him or if it's not an accurate description. I have yet to find an excerpt that isn't fitting for this sick woman. Not to mention, I remember this time period in his life. So does his family. So did his other best girlfriend at the time. 

It boggles the mind how some people can be so grotesque and have no clue. They think they can hide endlessly, get away with this sick shit if they can treat enough of their lemmings good enough to keep them convinced that they aren't the crazy ones. You can, for a time, psychopath - but the unfortunate thing about how much vile karma you put out is that it's a guarantee that this will come back to haunt you multiplied several times over. Sleep well, and hold your kiddies tight - because one day, they are going to get the full picture, and so is everyone else you have fooled. That must be an awful way to live - no wonder you work so hard to perfect your mask...you need to have it so good that you even fool yourself or you'd walk around knowing the impending doom that will come to you one day, and Lord have mercy!