WHAT are they thinking??

Because they are SO RESPONSIBLE

Because They are SO MATURE

Boundaries = WAR

If you have started setting up boundaries with your narcissistic parents or family, you might be getting some serious back lash. Keep in mind that this is normal. They do not like your boundaries. They want to be able to grab you and do what they want with you whenever they want. They will start throwing things out there like, "what is wrong with you?!", but in a disgusted tone, or, "you need to remember we are your family", which basically means, "how dare you have interests other than us?", or...and this one is a given, "the Bible says to honor your father and mother!”

Just because you're setting up boundaries doesn't mean you are leaving or disrespecting anyone. That is THEIR perspective and they are upset that they might be losing control over you.

Just remember that with narcissists, the more boundaries you set up, the more their personal attacks heat up. Plus, when they see they are losing control they will begin resorting to actions such as excluding you, cutting you out of the will, slandering you in the community but trying to disguise it as concern (such as telling people they think you might have a particular mental illness because you went to college in another state, or are getting married and beginning your own life so therefore you must need help, etc).

Tricky, tricky...

Confidence: Zero

Narcissism encourages envy and hostile rivalries, where self-esteem supports compassion and cooperation.

Narcissism favors dominance, where self-esteem acknowledges equality.

Narcissism involves arrogance, where self-esteem reflects humility.

Narcissism is affronted by criticism, where self-esteem is enhanced by feedback.

Narcissism makes it necessary to pull down others in order to stand above them.

Self-esteem leads to perceiving every human being as a person of value in a world of meaning.

Why Narcissistic Parents Overly Connect to Their Children

Narcissistic parents want their child’s performance to reflect on them. The reasons for this are complex. Parents may be trying to compensate for what they believe are their own shortcomings. They may rely on their child’s success to bolster themselves up. In doing so, they are failing to see their child as a unique and autonomous individual. They refuse to recognize that their child is separate from them, with their own thoughts, feelings, and desires.

A narcissistic parent tends to focus on or almost “feed” on their child’s accomplishments. They often do this, because something is lacking within them. They may try to use their child to fill an emptiness they feel within themselves. Parents with full lives, in which they have many interests, close relationships, and passions, often offer more to their children than those who give up everything to be with their kids. Though they do this in the name of love, they don’t realize that their conception of love is actually skewed.

People often confuse love with emotional hunger. Parents who think they are giving their children love by showering them with constant attention are failing to see how much they are pulling on or draining the child. When a person feels a “need” or “longing” for their child, it can be a red flag that they are taking more than they are giving in the relationship. If a parent feels their child is “filling up” a part of them, for example, that they are their sole source of joy, it can be a further warning that they are experiencing emotional hunger toward their child. Love is an offering of encouragement, support, and affection. Emotional hunger provides just the opposite.