Fixers

Tornado

Expressing our emotions to a narcissist involves our vulnerability and trust that we will be

honored. It's a reaction that we have every right to expect when we are "close" to people. 

People aren't perfect; so they're going to hurt us. We were all healthy enough when we 

were first accosted by a narcissist. We were willing to forgive the ways the hurt us from the 

very beginning. 


The problem wasn't that we didn't forgive enough, the problem is that we were abused 

instead of being listened to and respected. Its just one of the many ways that narcissists 

erode our confidence and ability to defend ourselves against future attacks and/or leave. 


Narcissists can't accept that they're less than perfect, even though they may be trying to act 

like a person who doesn't care that much about "perfection" or "their image". Ignore the 

words, and look at the ACTIONS. They all say "perfectionism"; thus, when you express 

your feelings of negativity about a narcissist, they are inordinantly hurt and ATTACK back. 

Because they believe that You are just as intentionally abusive as they are - they'll justify 

abusing you by saying that you "deserved it". When all that's happening in reality is that a 

narcissist can't take criticism (being less than perfect) they feel it as a huge injury and they 

lash back in an over exaggerated manner. 


It's a TWISTED world they live in - and one that twists us, while we are in it. You can't be 

CENTERED when living in the eye of a tornado.

thank you darkness.

'You are not alone, you are not crazy, and someday you will start to whisper thank you to the darkness... thank you to the pain, the fear the struggle even thank you to the narc ....because in the darkness you will find light you never knew you had inside your heart, strength you never imagined.'


- Christie Brinkley

Lol...yerp.

Mentally disordered individuals use projection. Narcissists are some of the most adept at actively projecting what they are onto their targets. They are constantly and consistently full of accusations and criticisms, with their claims that YOU are doing exactly what THEY are doing - the definition of projection. They will lie to you but you will be called dishonest. They will cheat on you with a vengeance - but YOU are the cheater and sex addict. Start investigating their actions or questioning their accountability, and you are going to get the finger pointed at you for being sneaky, causing trouble, jealous and making up stories. Try to have a rational conversation with them - perhaps describing something hurtful they have done, NO WAY - because that makes you an abuser. You can't give them anything but glowing admiration - negative feedback will start their raging at you. You will be constantly criticized and severely and then called oversensitive if you show any feelings about it. When they say something, it's law and written in stone -- and you don't know what you are talking about --- EVER!!!

LOVE DOES NOT HURT

You can say the most loving words with sarcasm and silently communicate contempt through body language, rolling eyes, sighs, grimaces, tone of voice, disgusted looks, cold shoulders, banging dishes, stonewalling, cold shoulders, etc. There are dozens of ways to be emotionally abusive.

In some respects, emotional abuse is more devastating than physical violence, due the greater likelihood that victims will blame themselves.

If someone hits you, it's easier to see that he or she is the problem, but if the abuse is subtle - saying or implying that you're ugly, a bad parent, stupid, incompetent, not worth attention, or that no one could love you - you are more likely to think you’re the problem.

Emotional abuse is more personal than physical abuse, more about you as a person, more about your spirit. It makes love hurt.

Sound Familiar?

Male targets of narcissistic abuse may experience partners that:

Yell and scream
Threaten them and try to induce fear
Insult and demean them; tell them they are not worth the trouble
Socially isolate them
Lie or withhold information
Treat them like a child or servant
Control all the finances
Beat them down emotionally, and then tell them they have no spine

Controlling and emotionally abusive behaviors perpetrated by narcissistic women may include:

Falsely accusing or threatening to accuse a man of assault on them or their children
Threatening false sexual abuse claims
Threatening to take away custody of the children
Threatening to kill themselves or others
Making the man feel like "he's crazy"
Minimizing the abuse; blaming the victim of the abuse
Playing mind games
Making the man feel guilty
Falsely obtaining a restraining order or injunction
Withholding affection
Stalking

Feelings the victim of a narcissist may feel:

Feeling edgy all the time
Feeling you can't do anything right
Feeling afraid of the narcissist and what they might say or do
Doing or avoiding certain things in order to make the narcissist happy
Lying to avoid the wrath of the narcissist
Feeling they deserve to be hurt
Wondering if you're crazy
Feeling emotionally numb, helpless or depressed
Feeling like committing suicide

Imagine that!