Intent.

Many of the same behaviors, tactics and techniques used to deceive us by narcissists are exactly the same tactics and techniques used to interest us, draw us closer, charm and seduce too. What is different is not the behavior or tactic...but the intent.

Onward & Upward

...we each had heard many of the same exact lines from our exes, the exact same behaviors and spent just as long trying to figure this stuff all out. Narcissism happens, and it happens to men as well as women. The same lack of empathy, the same cruelty, the same walking on eggshells. We are all much more alike than we are different. 

For extra brutality, add a beatdown section.

I have more respect, hope, and love

for the man who beat the crap out of me in drunken rages

stalked me for 18 months when I left him and went into hiding

attempted to murder my quadriplegic boyfriend 

and is now in prison for the next 16 years, with a lifetime no-contact order

than I do for you. 

Because he has a heart. He can FEEL. He feels regret. 

And he is man enough to sincerely apologize.

And he works hard to make his life right for his son.

Your crimes are worse because they aren't against a grown person

You slaughter your own children

without apology.

without so much as a single glimmer of recognition for your depravity. 

The world is safer with him here, and you in his place.

Alone, in a 8x8 cell, until you finally realize just how brutal 

your cuts to their souls really are. 

It's so insane, you'd never believe it...and they count on that.

A high functioning narcissist will put much thought into where they attack you. They will have spent years emotionally abusing you in your home behind closed doors while simultaneously presenting the opposite impression outside to everyone else. Each is meant to wear you down, weaken and control you. But they do not stop there. They look at who you are as a person and what you look to for strength and will head over there in due time. You can expect then that they will turn to any church or place of worship you might visit as a place to get you, your appearance or personal habits are very fair game too...as are the family pets, any hobbies, pursuits and interests you engage in during your down time. All of these will be turned upside down and inside out and drudged up as evidence of your recklessness. How you say? Well, an interest in outdoor activities become reckless adventure seeking; Reiki, yoga and crystals become dangerous occult practices and your hobby of baking cupcakes: a clear inability to provide basic nutrition, a healthy lifestyle and is a pursuit that must be stopped immediately.
Did you make chocolate cupcakes? Expect requests for a restraining order, limited visitation and new doctors.

Good grief...I wish I were exaggerating.

Oh yeah...and fluffy the cat? A dangerous asthma inducing pest that must be put down for humanity's sake.

All that love, attention and care you gave in the relationship is not lost...it was real, it still exists and it still matters. It may not have been appreciated, valued or reciprocated by your ex but it was real and will manifest itself again in some other way or relationship.

Ever noticed how they would claim they were the ones doing all the work, giving all the attention, taking all the abuse? How many of you have narcs that still tell you that they aren't your punching bag anymore - and they seem to believe themselves!

Their backwards sob stories, and that cold, steely confidence they love to show others is nothing but a facade to cover up their own crimes and desperately hidden fears. Everything is fake and unnatural.

In the pines, in the pines, where the sun don't ever shine. I would shiver the whole night through.

Today he looked at me and said, "You know, I think you think she has a soul. She doesn't."

But she likes to go hiking, and to prosthelytize about ethics and morals.

"Doesn't the devil do that? Doesn't he like to observe beautiful things so he can find ways to crush and destroy them? Doesn't he like to masquerade, and rage when it's removed? Doesn't he like to fool himself with a lofty, lying mirror? Doesn't he like surrounding himself only with people who believe he is amazing?"

I was stunned, really. He doesn't speak like this.

But she loves her children.

Laughter. "Does she? Or is it the way they worship her because she's convinced and trained them from birth that she - and only she - can meet their every need - even above their own selves. Is that love? You know better. She is nothing but an empty emulation of everything she wishes she could be, but knows she never will be."

Everyone has a soul, honey. God must still have a purpose for her, or she wouldn't be here.

"You believe that if you need to. Was Hitler purposed for God? Or was he serving someone else's purpose? I have seen her, and known her, and mark my words, she is a soulless creature with a mirror. Nothing more, nothing less."

I hate it when you talk about her because you say such disparaging things, and you never speak ill of anyone.

"I wish I had never come to know someone with a truth as savage as hers. She has ripped my first two children in half, and she is gleeful about it. She is not worth a single word out of my mouth, or a single thought in my brain. And unless you bring her up, I have years of experience eradicating her from my consciousness. You will learn how to do the same when you realize that she has no soul. There are no prayers. She is dead, and and anyone she has convinced otherwise will suffer for it eventually."

Do you think she is glad you hate her?

"I don't hate her. I used to hate her, until I realized there is no being to hate. She is simply a skin-covered void, with a natural fupa, no less. I have my peace with God, and my prayers of protection over my children. I will never go near her again, for as much as I can help it. Her emptiness is a liquid disease that seeps in any and every space it can find to exploit. She has already disfigured two of my children, and made fools out of my parents. The only thing she is glad for is her own power and poison."

Do you think she would be sad or hurt if she heard you say these things?

"No. There you go thinking she has a soul again."

the tao of narcs

A narcissist I have noticed will take virtually any situation and turn it upside down and inside out. The smallest innocent things become wildly distorted issues that are then paraded in court, in front of evaluators and told to psychologists. It is inescapable...this is just the tao of narcs.