All that love, attention and care you gave in the relationship is not lost...it was real, it still exists and it still matters. It may not have been appreciated, valued or reciprocated by your ex but it was real and will manifest itself again in some other way or relationship.
Ever noticed how they would claim they were the ones doing all the work, giving all the attention, taking all the abuse? How many of you have narcs that still tell you that they aren't your punching bag anymore - and they seem to believe themselves!
Their backwards sob stories, and that cold, steely confidence they love to show others is nothing but a facade to cover up their own crimes and desperately hidden fears. Everything is fake and unnatural.
Thursday, June 19, 2014
In the pines, in the pines, where the sun don't ever shine. I would shiver the whole night through.
Today he looked at me and said, "You know, I think you think she has a soul. She doesn't."
But she likes to go hiking, and to prosthelytize about ethics and morals.
"Doesn't the devil do that? Doesn't he like to observe beautiful things so he can find ways to crush and destroy them? Doesn't he like to masquerade, and rage when it's removed? Doesn't he like to fool himself with a lofty, lying mirror? Doesn't he like surrounding himself only with people who believe he is amazing?"
I was stunned, really. He doesn't speak like this.
But she loves her children.
Laughter. "Does she? Or is it the way they worship her because she's convinced and trained them from birth that she - and only she - can meet their every need - even above their own selves. Is that love? You know better. She is nothing but an empty emulation of everything she wishes she could be, but knows she never will be."
Everyone has a soul, honey. God must still have a purpose for her, or she wouldn't be here.
"You believe that if you need to. Was Hitler purposed for God? Or was he serving someone else's purpose? I have seen her, and known her, and mark my words, she is a soulless creature with a mirror. Nothing more, nothing less."
I hate it when you talk about her because you say such disparaging things, and you never speak ill of anyone.
"I wish I had never come to know someone with a truth as savage as hers. She has ripped my first two children in half, and she is gleeful about it. She is not worth a single word out of my mouth, or a single thought in my brain. And unless you bring her up, I have years of experience eradicating her from my consciousness. You will learn how to do the same when you realize that she has no soul. There are no prayers. She is dead, and and anyone she has convinced otherwise will suffer for it eventually."
Do you think she is glad you hate her?
"I don't hate her. I used to hate her, until I realized there is no being to hate. She is simply a skin-covered void, with a natural fupa, no less. I have my peace with God, and my prayers of protection over my children. I will never go near her again, for as much as I can help it. Her emptiness is a liquid disease that seeps in any and every space it can find to exploit. She has already disfigured two of my children, and made fools out of my parents. The only thing she is glad for is her own power and poison."
Do you think she would be sad or hurt if she heard you say these things?
"No. There you go thinking she has a soul again."
But she likes to go hiking, and to prosthelytize about ethics and morals.
"Doesn't the devil do that? Doesn't he like to observe beautiful things so he can find ways to crush and destroy them? Doesn't he like to masquerade, and rage when it's removed? Doesn't he like to fool himself with a lofty, lying mirror? Doesn't he like surrounding himself only with people who believe he is amazing?"
I was stunned, really. He doesn't speak like this.
But she loves her children.
Laughter. "Does she? Or is it the way they worship her because she's convinced and trained them from birth that she - and only she - can meet their every need - even above their own selves. Is that love? You know better. She is nothing but an empty emulation of everything she wishes she could be, but knows she never will be."
Everyone has a soul, honey. God must still have a purpose for her, or she wouldn't be here.
"You believe that if you need to. Was Hitler purposed for God? Or was he serving someone else's purpose? I have seen her, and known her, and mark my words, she is a soulless creature with a mirror. Nothing more, nothing less."
I hate it when you talk about her because you say such disparaging things, and you never speak ill of anyone.
"I wish I had never come to know someone with a truth as savage as hers. She has ripped my first two children in half, and she is gleeful about it. She is not worth a single word out of my mouth, or a single thought in my brain. And unless you bring her up, I have years of experience eradicating her from my consciousness. You will learn how to do the same when you realize that she has no soul. There are no prayers. She is dead, and and anyone she has convinced otherwise will suffer for it eventually."
Do you think she is glad you hate her?
"I don't hate her. I used to hate her, until I realized there is no being to hate. She is simply a skin-covered void, with a natural fupa, no less. I have my peace with God, and my prayers of protection over my children. I will never go near her again, for as much as I can help it. Her emptiness is a liquid disease that seeps in any and every space it can find to exploit. She has already disfigured two of my children, and made fools out of my parents. The only thing she is glad for is her own power and poison."
Do you think she would be sad or hurt if she heard you say these things?
"No. There you go thinking she has a soul again."
the tao of narcs
A narcissist I have noticed will take virtually any situation and turn it upside down and inside out. The smallest innocent things become wildly distorted issues that are then paraded in court, in front of evaluators and told to psychologists. It is inescapable...this is just the tao of narcs.
Narcissists want "feel good", success and recognition even if its fake, achieved by questionable means or a lie. They are always chasing, working around or scheming to get most of the things in their life. If it somehow doesn't work out...they'll simply tell themselves that it isn't important over and over until they believe it or forget doubt. Then they'll replace it. This applies to everything from idea's to friends to you. They are never satisfied ultimately because they are always looking for the wrong thing and incapable of accepting or seeing their true deficit.
Tuesday, June 17, 2014
Sunday, June 15, 2014
Gaslighting
Gaslighting is by definition a sophisticated manipulation tactic which offenders/ violators and sociopathic types of personalities use to create doubt in the minds of their victims.Gaslighting is also a form of psychological abuse in which false information is presented with the intent of making a victim doubt his or her own memory and perception. It may simply be the denial by an abuser that previous abusive incidents ever occurred.
Dr, George Simon stated " Effective gaslighting can be accomplished in several different ways. Sometimes, a person can assert something with such an apparent intensity of conviction that the other person begins to doubt their own perspective. Other times, vigorous and unwavering denial coupled with a display of righteous indignation can accomplish the same task. Bringing up historical facts that seem largely accurate but contain minute, hard-to-prove distortions and using them to “prove” the correctness of one’s position is another method. Gaslighting is particularly effective when coupled with other tactics such as shaming and guilting. Anything that aids in getting another person to doubt their judgment and back down will work."
Offenders/ Violators will often use specific phrases and techniques to gaslight their victims . They will Counter, where they will vehemently call into question the victims recollection even though it is correct or substantiated by others. They will often do this in an angry, patronizing,accusatory, or condescending tone. this is the fist step in making the victim doubt their perception. They will Block and Divert, where the Offender/ violator will change the conversation from the subject matter to questioning the victim's thoughts and controlling the conversation, Often offering up their opinion as the means of controlling the conversation. They will TRIVIALIZE making the victim think the incident was a "small thing" or "Not that Serious". Often using more serious events in comparison to attempt to trivialize their actions. They will attempt to control a conversation either spoken or written by denying responsibility, offering continued or varied excuses how this is not their fault or offering other varied excuses. They will in many cases literally turn a conversation one sided by refusing to acknowledge your statements and doing all they can to be the only one speaking to ensure their side is the only side be it a verbal or non verbal medium.
Guilting the victim in such a way as to ensure confusion and doubt in their victim. They do this by laying out how the victims coming forward has effected them and their life. They use phrases like "This is your feeling" or " You" felt this or that way, there by shifting from the actions they took to "YOUR FEELINGS" which they are making you doubt. They will continually and with unflinching purpose shift the blame and responsibility to you and your "feelings" Not them and their actions.
Now some food for thought in closing. There are many many people out there who are sociopaths,narcissistic, and abusive offenders/ violators.
The trick in any verbal intercourse is to believe in your decisions and your ability to perceive what is going on with you and to you. If someone is doing any of the things you have read here or anything close take a step back and ask yourself why are these feelings of guilt or shame there. If the answer is because someone manipulated you into feeling and having them. Congratulations you just got gaslighted. NOW get pissed and put the blame where it belongs on the OFFENDER / VIOLATOR.
There are literally thousands of sources of knowledge out there and this writing has drawn from far to many to list but if need be I can offer up the sources.The bottom line is educate yourself on these topics with them find your own sources compare add and for god sake form your own opinion. Just be resolute in your belief in your perceptions and your decisions stemming from that, don't be manipulated by long drawn out well worded excuses that try to alter your perception ,because that is what your Offender and Violator want to create that grey area in your mind and in the community as a whole. Because that is where they walk through with impunity because we allow it. Hopefully this educates a few out there in the hopes that the grey area is a little smaller and the predators tread a little lighter and the victims sleep a little sounder.
Dr, George Simon stated " Effective gaslighting can be accomplished in several different ways. Sometimes, a person can assert something with such an apparent intensity of conviction that the other person begins to doubt their own perspective. Other times, vigorous and unwavering denial coupled with a display of righteous indignation can accomplish the same task. Bringing up historical facts that seem largely accurate but contain minute, hard-to-prove distortions and using them to “prove” the correctness of one’s position is another method. Gaslighting is particularly effective when coupled with other tactics such as shaming and guilting. Anything that aids in getting another person to doubt their judgment and back down will work."
Offenders/ Violators will often use specific phrases and techniques to gaslight their victims . They will Counter, where they will vehemently call into question the victims recollection even though it is correct or substantiated by others. They will often do this in an angry, patronizing,accusatory, or condescending tone. this is the fist step in making the victim doubt their perception. They will Block and Divert, where the Offender/ violator will change the conversation from the subject matter to questioning the victim's thoughts and controlling the conversation, Often offering up their opinion as the means of controlling the conversation. They will TRIVIALIZE making the victim think the incident was a "small thing" or "Not that Serious". Often using more serious events in comparison to attempt to trivialize their actions. They will attempt to control a conversation either spoken or written by denying responsibility, offering continued or varied excuses how this is not their fault or offering other varied excuses. They will in many cases literally turn a conversation one sided by refusing to acknowledge your statements and doing all they can to be the only one speaking to ensure their side is the only side be it a verbal or non verbal medium.
Guilting the victim in such a way as to ensure confusion and doubt in their victim. They do this by laying out how the victims coming forward has effected them and their life. They use phrases like "This is your feeling" or " You" felt this or that way, there by shifting from the actions they took to "YOUR FEELINGS" which they are making you doubt. They will continually and with unflinching purpose shift the blame and responsibility to you and your "feelings" Not them and their actions.
Now some food for thought in closing. There are many many people out there who are sociopaths,narcissistic, and abusive offenders/ violators.
The trick in any verbal intercourse is to believe in your decisions and your ability to perceive what is going on with you and to you. If someone is doing any of the things you have read here or anything close take a step back and ask yourself why are these feelings of guilt or shame there. If the answer is because someone manipulated you into feeling and having them. Congratulations you just got gaslighted. NOW get pissed and put the blame where it belongs on the OFFENDER / VIOLATOR.
There are literally thousands of sources of knowledge out there and this writing has drawn from far to many to list but if need be I can offer up the sources.The bottom line is educate yourself on these topics with them find your own sources compare add and for god sake form your own opinion. Just be resolute in your belief in your perceptions and your decisions stemming from that, don't be manipulated by long drawn out well worded excuses that try to alter your perception ,because that is what your Offender and Violator want to create that grey area in your mind and in the community as a whole. Because that is where they walk through with impunity because we allow it. Hopefully this educates a few out there in the hopes that the grey area is a little smaller and the predators tread a little lighter and the victims sleep a little sounder.
Saturday, June 14, 2014
& how
You will be held to the highest standards and not allowed barely an in of fault.
The narcissist on another hand will act or do pretty much as he or she wants laughing at you privately as they deny any wrongdoing or unreasonability.
They will get away with murder while you have the book thrown at you for the most insignificant things.
Expect this and simply do the best you can...you and I know the truth.
The narcissist on another hand will act or do pretty much as he or she wants laughing at you privately as they deny any wrongdoing or unreasonability.
They will get away with murder while you have the book thrown at you for the most insignificant things.
Expect this and simply do the best you can...you and I know the truth.
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