Narcissists want "feel good", success and recognition even if its fake, achieved by questionable means or a lie. They are always chasing, working around or scheming to get most of the things in their life. If it somehow doesn't work out...they'll simply tell themselves that it isn't important over and over until they believe it or forget doubt. Then they'll replace it. This applies to everything from idea's to friends to you. They are never satisfied ultimately because they are always looking for the wrong thing and incapable of accepting or seeing their true deficit.

Narcissism is pretty much hardwired. The behaviors they did in the past will continue to happen. From what I have seen they have three main states:

1. The charming seduction "I need something" state.
2. The rage state.
3. The I am bored or distracted state.

Gaslighting

 Gaslighting is by definition a sophisticated manipulation tactic which offenders/ violators and sociopathic types of personalities use to create doubt in the minds of their victims.Gaslighting is also a form of psychological abuse in which false information is presented with the intent of making a victim doubt his or her own memory and perception. It may simply be the denial by an abuser that previous abusive incidents ever occurred.

Dr, George Simon stated " Effective gaslighting can be accomplished in several different ways. Sometimes, a person can assert something with such an apparent intensity of conviction that the other person begins to doubt their own perspective. Other times, vigorous and unwavering denial coupled with a display of righteous indignation can accomplish the same task. Bringing up historical facts that seem largely accurate but contain minute, hard-to-prove distortions and using them to “prove” the correctness of one’s position is another method. Gaslighting is particularly effective when coupled with other tactics such as shaming and guilting. Anything that aids in getting another person to doubt their judgment and back down will work."

Offenders/ Violators will often use specific phrases and techniques to gaslight their victims . They will Counter, where they will vehemently call into question the victims recollection even though it is correct or substantiated by others. They will often do this in an angry, patronizing,accusatory, or condescending tone. this is the fist step in making the victim doubt their perception. They will Block and Divert, where the Offender/ violator will change the conversation from the subject matter to questioning the victim's thoughts and controlling the conversation, Often offering up their opinion as the means of controlling the conversation. They will TRIVIALIZE making the victim think the incident was a "small thing" or "Not that Serious". Often using more serious events in comparison to attempt to trivialize their actions. They will attempt to control a conversation either spoken or written by denying responsibility, offering continued or varied excuses how this is not their fault or offering other varied excuses. They will in many cases literally turn a conversation one sided by refusing to acknowledge your statements and doing all they can to be the only one speaking to ensure their side is the only side be it a verbal or non verbal medium.

Guilting the victim in such a way as to ensure confusion and doubt in their victim. They do this by laying out how the victims coming forward has effected them and their life. They use phrases like "This is your feeling" or " You" felt this or that way, there by shifting from the actions they took to "YOUR FEELINGS" which they are making you doubt. They will continually and with unflinching purpose shift the blame and responsibility to you and your "feelings" Not them and their actions.

Now some food for thought in closing. There are many many people out there who are sociopaths,narcissistic, and abusive offenders/ violators.
The trick in any verbal intercourse is to believe in your decisions and your ability to perceive what is going on with you and to you. If someone is doing any of the things you have read here or anything close take a step back and ask yourself why are these feelings of guilt or shame there. If the answer is because someone manipulated you into feeling and having them. Congratulations you just got gaslighted. NOW get pissed and put the blame where it belongs on the OFFENDER / VIOLATOR.

There are literally thousands of sources of knowledge out there and this writing has drawn from far to many to list but if need be I can offer up the sources.The bottom line is educate yourself on these topics with them find your own sources compare add and for god sake form your own opinion. Just be resolute in your belief in your perceptions and your decisions stemming from that, don't be manipulated by long drawn out well worded excuses that try to alter your perception ,because that is what your Offender and Violator want to create that grey area in your mind and in the community as a whole. Because that is where they walk through with impunity because we allow it. Hopefully this educates a few out there in the hopes that the grey area is a little smaller and the predators tread a little lighter and the victims sleep a little sounder.

& how

You will be held to the highest standards and not allowed barely an in of fault.

The narcissist on another hand will act or do pretty much as he or she wants laughing at you privately as they deny any wrongdoing or unreasonability.

They will get away with murder while you have the book thrown at you for the most insignificant things.

Expect this and simply do the best you can...you and I know the truth.

Put that in your pipe.

Narcissists reflect radiance rather than emit it. It may look shiny and bright but it is illusionary.

2 Things.

A narcissist more than anything is interested in two main things:

1. Feeling good
2. Controlling the people around them.

WTF

In case you forget!