if only

Survivors are often left with "if only" moments, thinking back and wishing we hadn't done certain things that supposedly ruined the perfect relationship. But if your partner really ever cared about you, you wouldn't be running every single one of your mistakes through your mind, wondering with each one if that was the reason you were replaced or harmed. If your entire relationship was hanging on a few “if only” moment going differently, then it was a toxic relationship. This means you were walking on eggshells, on the brink of a breakup any time something didn't go exactly according to plan. This is not companionship and support. This is what silence & abuse does to a loving, compassionate human being. This is what happens when one person refuses to take any responsibility for their actions, while the other is willing to absorb all of the blame if it means keeping the peace.